Personal Growth: Definition, Goals, & Examples

Personal growth can be defined as the intentional development of one’s personality or life course (Bauer & McAdams, 2004). Researchers sometimes use the term personal growth to mean intentional personal development. However, I don’t think it’s always clear when growth is intentional and when it is not, so I don’t distinguish between these terms. So in this article, we define personal growth as the forward movement or evolution of all aspects of one’s being, regardless of whether you intend to grow or not.

​Opposite of Personal Growth

Although we are always growing in some way, it is human nature to thwart or resist personal growth. We may refuse to learn from our experiences, blame others for our struggles instead of taking responsibility for ourselves, or find ourselves repeating the same patterns over and over again without changing our perspectives (Shutan, 2024). In these cases, we still grow, albeit at a slower pace than we might otherwise have.

As Carl Jung said, “What you resist persists.” Indeed, it is generally better for our well-being to accept, rather than resist, personal growth. We do have the choice to remain as we are, but it often gets more and more uncomfortable (even painful) to resist personal growth, as personal evolution is a natural process (Tolle, 2006). 

There are both internal and external causes of personal growth. For example, we may choose to practice acceptance in our daily lives, or we may be given an incurable illness for which we are forced to practice acceptance. However, the difference between internally and externally-caused growth is far smaller than it appears. For example, we often engage in practices like mirroring and projection—mental processes that make our internal workings appear to be external (Shutan, 2024).

Research has repeatedly shown that personal growth can lead to enhanced well-being, even when that personal growth involves overcoming significant challenges (Kim et al., 2021). Key thinkers in this area suggest (and I agree) that personal growth is the path—and perhaps the only path—to true well-being—that is, enlightenment (Wilber, 2001). When we seek happiness, inner peace, or love, we may not consciously be seeking enlightenment (I wasn’t!), but this is indeed the destination. This, you will see, becomes increasingly clear as we reach the advanced stages of personal growth. (I’ll discuss this much more in the sections below).​

Theories suggest that we progress along multiple quasi-independent lines of personal growth (Wilber, 2001). These lines are parallel, and so we are moving along all of them at the same time, albeit at different rates. For example, we may experience personal growth in our emotions while failing to achieve personal growth related to our self-esteem. Or, we may experience personal growth in both of these lines simultaneously. Or, we may experience personal growth in one of these lines which leads to personal growth in the other line. 

Within each line, personal growth is also thought to occur in waves, stages, or spirals (Wilber, 2001). Visually, personal growth may look more like a staircase than a hill, and we will hop forward and jump backward many times as we climb the staircase of our personal evolution. Practically speaking, this can feel like the momentary lightbulb insight that illuminates our brain. Then we quickly find ourselves falling back into old habits before eventually moving forward again, perhaps more slowly, and eventually achieving more permanent personal growth in a given area.

As mentioned earlier, there are multiple lines of personal growth (Wilber, 2001). Depending on how nuanced we want to get, there may be anywhere from a few lines of personal growth to hundreds. Here, we’ll focus on seven major lines (these lines are similar to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs).

Note. There may be other ways to group these skills. This is just one way that helps us more easily understand general categories of personal growth.  Keep in mind that in this view, each line (or group) has multiple strands (like a rope) and we likely need to develop many of these individual strands.
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• Stability. Grounding, connection to the physical body, financial stability, habits, sense of safety, etc…
• Emotion. Emotion regulation, nervous system activation, fear, physical movement, sexuality, etc…
• Self. Identity, self-esteem, ego, self-expression, achievement, etc…
• Other. Social connection, love, kindness, compassion, forgiveness, etc…
• Self-Other. Communication, listening, voice, boundaries, leadership, etc…
• Mind. Thinking, learning, analyzing, imagination, intuition, etc…
• Soul. Play, surrender, oneness, spirituality, etc…

​Although I have described these lines as separate, they overlap and are integrally connected. Think of them more like a braid. A braid cannot exist without all the lines supporting it. And although we move forward in each line separately, moving forward in any one of these lines will affect our progression in the other lines.

Each line (above) must go through each stage (below). Theorists suggest we generally can not skip stages and must proceed through each stage within each line (Wilber, 2001). One way to understand these stages—and the transition between them—is to observe significant changes in perspective as we move between stages.

Perspective Shifts at Each Stage of Personal Growth

​The following approach shows how our perspective changes as we progress through the stages within each line (Wilber, 2001)​.

Perspective stages of personal growth: 

1. Preconventional (egocentric)
2. Conventional (socio-centric)
3. Post-conventional (world-centric)
4. Post-post-conventional (oneness-centric)

Learning Objectives at Each Stage of Personal Growth

Another way to understand these stages is to observe the learning objectives that we have at each stage. This model can help you better understand where you are in your own personal growth journey and what you need to learn before progressing to the next stage.

Learning objectives of personal growth stages: 
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1. Sensing (Using the 5 senses) 
2. Learning (Acquiring information) 
3. Expressing (Self-expression) 
4. Awareness (Understanding)
5. Allowing (Acceptance)
6. Awakening (Oneness)

As an example of how we progress through the stages, we might experience a wave of growth that enables us to engage in learnings related to the Awakening Stage. Then that wave retracts all the way back to the Sensing stage for more sensing-related learnings before the wave rolls out again, enabling us to experience further growth in all later stages of a given line. Like a rising tide, each time a wave crashes on our shore, we extend our personal growth further and further.

Stages of Personal Growth Explained
Here is a brief overview of some of the skills you might learn in each stage of growth.

1. Sensing Stage. This stage involves fully using our 5 senses. Activities at this stage may include deep breathing, somatic therapy, grounding, nutrition, trying new things, forest bathing, and physical touch. All of these help us become more embodied.

2. Learning Stage. This stage involves initial learning. Activities at this stage may include reading spiritual or self-help books, building good habits, going to therapy, learning to regulate our emotions, setting goals, socializing, and journaling. 

3. Expressing Stage. This stage involves action-oriented self-expression. Activities at this stage may include exercising, gratitude, kindness, interpersonal communication, setting boundaries, creative expression, and outwardly showing our true selves in other ways.

4. Awareness Stage. This stage involves a heightened level of awareness and understanding about ourselves and our world. Activities at this stage may involve self-reflection, mindfulness, presence, active listening, and meditation.

5. Allowing Stage. This stage involves acceptance and letting go. Activities at this stage might involve letting go of the past, forgiveness, developing trust, and surrender.
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6. Awakening Stage. This stage involves a greater understanding of our place within the whole. Activities at this stage may include taking full accountability, loving-kindness meditation, practicing empathy, finding flow, radiating positivity, and finding your life purpose.​

Now that we understand where we are in our journey, the following model of personal growth—which is similar to models of learning (Wikipedia, n.d.)—can help us better understand how we can best move forward. It focuses more on the specific actions we can take at each stage to continue to enhance our well-being and progress toward enlightenment. These stages roughly map onto the stages of the two models I presented earlier. 
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As you read on, try to think about where you are for each line of personal growth so that you’ll know which types of actions to engage in to grow.

​Stage 1. We don’t know what we don’t know.

​Among our survey participants, 27% are at this stage. Individuals at this stage are unfamiliar with personal growth skills and strategies. Effective personal growth at this stage often involves sensing-based learning (e.g., somatic learning), micro-learning, and basic psychoeducation articles related to any of the lines of personal growth. These actions tend to help us effectively progress through the Sensing and Learning stages of growth (from the earlier model).

Stage 2. We know that we don’t know.

Among our survey participants, 40% are at this stage. Individuals at this stage have learned about some personal growth topics, but they still need help building skills and implementing these strategies in their daily lives. Effective personal growth at this stage often involves simple exercises to practice using the skills. Over time, it is necessary to increasingly focus on applying these learnings in daily life. It is not necessary to focus on a specific line as all lines can benefit from these activities. These actions tend to help us effectively progress through the Learning and Expressing stages of growth (from the earlier model).
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Stage 3. We work at what we don’t know.

Among our survey participants, 17% are at this stage. ​​​Individuals at this stage already regularly practice well-being-boosting strategies but still have not reached the level of well-being that they seek. Effective personal growth at this stage often involves the need to broaden or deepen one’s skills. For example, if we’ve been focusing on one line (or one thread within one line), we now benefit greatly from building skills related to other, less-developed lines. Or, if we’ve gotten stuck at a particular stage across many lines, we may need to push ourselves outside our comfort zones to take on new perspectives. These actions tend to help us effectively progress through the Awareness and Allowing stages of growth (from the earlier model).

Stage 4. We don’t have to think about it anymore.

Among our survey participants, 16% are at this stage. Individuals at this stage have high well-being. There is always more room for growth, though, and the people taking our survey are still seeking personal growth (which suggests that they haven’t yet reached enlightenment). Effective personal growth at this stage often involves turning inward to learn from deeper parts of the self (e.g., intuition). These actions tend to help us effectively progress through the Allowing and Awakening stages of growth (from the earlier model).

All stages of personal growth have their challenges and opportunities. Here are my suggestions for what to do based on the stage you are in. 
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• Stage 1 (Sensing & Learning Stages). Experience and read. Use your 5 senses and learn as much as you can about what leads to personal growth and well-being.
• Stage 2 (Learning & Expressing Stages). Practice, practice, practice. Start implementing some of the things you learned. Choose activities you like. Maybe you prefer a gratitude list over meditating. Or maybe you prefer to exercise rather than journaling. Start small, add new practices as you progress, and begin using these strategies in your daily life. 
• Stage 3 (Awareness & Allowing Stages). Once you have developed a large number of skills and you use them automatically (habitually) in your daily life, start evaluating the areas that need deeper work. The personal growth chart above can be a helpful tool to see which areas need further development. Continue to work on the areas of growth that need more refinement.
• Stage 4 (Allowing & Awakening Stages). You’ll eventually become aware that you’re feeling more whole and connected to all that is. If you don’t resist this integration with oneness, you’ll find that you continue to grow naturally.

Note. You may discover that you are in a similar stage for all lines of growth or that you are in different stages for different lines. As an example, if you are in stage 1 of the Stability line, read about stability topics. And if you are simultaneously in stage 2 of the Mind line, practice exercises related to the mind. If you fall way behind in one line, focus on that line for a while. The most effective personal growth programs will include small and balanced growth in all lines simultaneously. ​

There are an infinite number of ways that one may experience personal growth as they slowly and subtly enhance their well-being. Here are a few examples:
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• Joseline decides to spend more time forest bathing—she aims to be fully present and observe nature. This helps her progress in the Awareness stage of her Stability and Soul lines.
• Mark is tired of feeling like everyone walks all over him so he decides to learn about assertive communication. Mark has just exited the Sensing stage and moved into the Learning stage of his Self-Other line.
• Lee has recently been randomly experiencing intense moments of gratitude for all that is. Lee has just entered the Awakening stage of their Other line. ​

Each person will benefit from learning different things at different times. To speed and balance personal growth, try to focus on the lines that are farthest behind and at the earliest stages. 

Example of Setting Personal Growth Goals

As a personal example, I am currently jumping back and forth between the Awareness and Expressing stages of my Self line, which is lagging behind all my other lines. So, I am currently focusing most of my personal growth actions on understanding and expressing my needs, values, and optimal self-expression. 

The lack of growth in my Self line has also contributed to slowed growth in my Self-Other line. So for this line, I am working on setting boundaries in relationships and practicing assertive communication.

Because personal growth looks more like a staircase than a hill (or more like waves than a placid lake), it can often involve big jumps forward in growth. We can be faced with a death, an illness, or a job loss that catapults us to a new stage quickly and without warning. Or, internally, we may suddenly gain access to repressed memories, realize that we are in a toxic relationship, or gain awareness of something that motivates us to change our lives radically. 

These rapid bursts of growth can indeed be challenging, as each one involves undergoing a loss of some sort. That loss may be of something or someone in our material world, or it may be an identity, belief, or role we have grown attached to. We may feel depressed, tired, or even experience physical symptoms as we progress. It is important that we remember that growth comes in waves, and we will get through this.

According to key thinkers in this area, we can not skip stages because each stage builds on the previous one (Wilber, 2001). Indeed, Akilesh Ayyar, a spiritual teacher, has found that most people need to have their physical, emotional and mental needs met before they can effectively make significant progress. Remember, we are growing along multiple lines; within each line are multiple threads; and for each line or thread, we must advance through multiple stages. 

When we are in each stage, we can not even imagine that the next stage exists (Wilber, 2001). In fact, as soon as we can effectively imagine the next stage, we are in it. So we must go through each stage to create the foundation that supports the next stage.

Future Growth Builds on Past Growth

Here is an example. Theory of Mind is a well-known phenomenon that occurs when a child begins moving from an egocentric perspective to a socio-centric perspective. At first, the child does not understand that other people can have thoughts different from their own. But by age 5 or so, the child’s perspective shifts, and they now understand that each person has their own mind capable of their own thoughts (​​Carlson et al., 2013). 
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Later developments along this line enable us to experience empathy—we eventually recognize that people not only have different thoughts from us but that we can understand those thoughts by mentally putting ourselves in their shoes. Empathy then enables us to grow across other lines and threads, for example by improving our relationships and inspiring openness to alternative opinions. This one simple example demonstrates how growth in one area is needed for further growth in that line. It also shows how growth in one line can affect growth in the other lines.

​More Examples of How Personal Growth Occurs

​Another simple example of how future growth builds on past growth can be seen at the transition from the Awareness stage to the Acceptance stage. Although waves push us back and forth across all the stages, we must have awareness before a wave can roll into acceptance. How could we accept something that we are not aware of?! 

The transition from the Allowing stage to the Awakening stage follows the same pattern. As we begin to allow, we open ourselves to possibilities and insights that we previously resisted, avoided, or ignored. Allowing (which includes openness and acceptance) erodes our resistance to the integration of Self (oneness) that emerges during the Awakening stage.

Given there are very few people who have reached enlightenment, academic research on this topic is lacking. However, qualitative research and personal reports provided by those in later stages of personal growth help us develop a rudimentary understanding of this experience. 

Here are some experiences that commonly occur during the Awakening stage of personal growth:

​Activation of the Clairsenses

It is common for one to report an increase in psychic abilities as they approach enlightenment. Each person’s experience is vastly different and may include a different combination of clairsenses such as clairaudience or clairvoyance (Shutan, 2015).

​Physical Symptoms

The body will often start to do weird things at later stages of personal growth. For example, people may have spontaneous movement, headaches, digestive issues, and a variety of unexplainable bodily experiences (Shutan, 2015).

Mental Symptoms

​Often, advanced stages of personal growth involve the shedding of knowledge learned in earlier stages. We let go of beliefs, roles, stories, and thoughts that no longer resonate with us. This can result in disorientation and rapid shifts in perception (Shutan, 2015).

• Ambrose, Sophia Persephone. (2023). How to Get Through the Dark Night of the Soul: Overcoming Spiritual Depression During Awakening. Nielson UK.
• Bauer, J. J., & McAdams, D. P. (2004). Personal growth in adults’ stories of life transitions. Journal of personality, 72(3), 573-602.
• Carlson, S. M., Koenig, M. A., & Harms, M. B. (2013). Theory of mind. Wiley Interdisciplinary Reviews: Cognitive Science, 4(4), 391-402.
• Kim, J. J., Munroe, M., Feng, Z., Morris, S., Al-Refae, M., Antonacci, R., & Ferrari, M. (2021). Personal growth and well-being in the time of COVID: an exploratory mixed-methods analysis. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 648060.
• Shutan, Mary Mueller. (2024). Shadow Work for the Soul: Seeing Beauty in the Dark. Findhorn Press.
• Shutan, Mary Mueller. (2015). The Spiritual Awakening Guide: Kundalini, Psychic Abilities, and the Conditioned Layers of Reality. Findhorn Press.
• Tolle, E. (2006). A new earth: Awakening to your life’s purpose. Penguin Life.
• Wikipedia. (n.d.) Four stages of competence. Retrieved 3/19/2024 from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_stages_of_competence
• Wilber, K. (2001). The eye of spirit: An integral vision for a world gone slightly mad. Shambhala Publications.