Life Stages: Definition, Examples, & Explanation

Life stages—or developmental stages—represent the different perspectives we shift in and out of as we go through life. Reaching a new life stage involves transcending the lower stage and including it in our new worldview (Wilber 2007). In other words, we don’t move through life stages as if they were in a straight line; we expand, including the earlier stages within our understanding of the world but adding on new layers. 

We are like trees, and the life stages are like rings in a tree. We slowly expand, adding more rings as we grow.

Life Stages Are Continuous 
Although we will talk about life stages as if they are discrete experiences, they are actually continuous. You can think about it just like you think about your age. I may be 25 years old, and when I turn 26, I’ll be in a new “stage”. But through the stage of 25, I am also 25 and 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, etc… 

Just like age, we all start at 0 when it comes to life stages. And we can’t skip from 0 to 5 or 50. We have to go through every stage (because every stage builds on the previous one) to get to the higher stages. However, the speed at which we move through the stages varies from person to person. 

Life Stages Represented As A Rainbow of Growth 
Developmental theories often use the colors of the rainbow to demonstrate the stages. This helps us keep in mind that the stages are not discrete things. When you’re between yellow and green, you’re lime green (you’re operating perspective hasn’t fully switched to green yet, but you’ve moved away from a fully yellow perspective).

The length of time we spend in each stage varies widely. In the modern world, many of us move into orange (which is peer-focused) during adolescence, and many of us move into yellow (which is ability-focused) as we enter the workforce. Those who are successful in their careers have generally moved to green (which is achievement-focused). 

The green stage is the highest that modern society aims for, and so few people ever move beyond that. And many people never get that far. 

Life circumstances likely have a huge impact on how fast and how far one grows, and we can just never know the extent of the challenges one has faced to get where they are. Thus, it’s important to remember that no stage is better than any other stage, just as no human being is better than any other human being.

No life stage is better than the others—they are just different. The life stages do include common challenges—like managing emotions and developing new social skills. But the life stages also include some unique challenges. Transcending a given life stage often requires resolving the unique challenges of that stage, which can feel like a huge relief. But, pretty soon we begin to face new, unique challenges in the next life stage.

Each stage has a dominating worldview or perspective. Although we’re usually unaware of it, we also identify ourselves as a specific aspect of ourselves in each stage (e.g., the body, mind, etc…). When we move through the stages, the aspect of ourselves that we identify with changes. So, to transcend a life stage, the goal is to stop believing that the “thing” of that stage is us and realize that this “thing” is just a part of us (Wilber 2007). Again, we expand.

In other words, we shift our perspective from the belief “I am” (the thing) to the belief “I have” (the thing). For example, you may have heard someone say, “I am not my body, but I have a body.” This shows that they have transcended the stage in which they identify completely with their body. Although I make it sound fairly simple, most people in most stages will not yet have enough awareness to identify their core perspective (Cook-Greuter, 2014). It is only from the higher levels that one can look back and recognize that they have indeed moved through these stages and perspectives.

So How Do We Know Which Life Stage We’re In?
Cook-Greuter (2014) shows that approximately 75% of people are in stages 2 (I am my personality), 3 (I am my actions), and 4 (I am my achievements) (Cook-Greuter, 2014). (Note that Cook-Greuter—and other theorists—all use different titles for the life stages. We’ve chosen our titles to help readers better understand how to transcend each stage. However, we maintain the rainbow color scheme in this article to ease the comparison between theories).

From my perspective, the easiest way to identify which stage someone is in is to look at their behavior. Certain behaviors are more common at certain stages. And, it is easiest to look at someone else’s behavior. We are less skilled at looking at our own behavior, but that can be helpful, too, for identifying which stage we’re in. We’ll go into detail about this with regard to each stage in the sections below. 

The Easy Way and The Hard Way To Transcend Life Stages
Interestingly, transcending a stage can happen in 2 ways—the easy way and the hard way.

The hard way involves experiencing some type of life challenge that threatens or disconfirms your current perspective and belief structure, leading it to crumble. This can be very painful as we are forced into a new perspective by our life situation.

The easier way involves taking a more active approach, using psychological tools and exercises that help us broaden our current perspective. It doesn’t make any sense to try to develop a purple perspective when we are at an orange stage of development. So we “remodel” our belief structures one brick at a time, and if we try to build the roof before the floor, we get nowhere fast. 

The rest of this article will focus on how to transcend each stage “the easier way”.

Before diving into the details of each life stage, let’s quickly review what they are. My approach here relies on Cook-Grueter’s (2014) ego development theory. However, I’ve modified the stage titles to focus on my area of expertise—social/emotional development and well-being. That way, I can more clearly explain which psychological practices and life skills are most likely to help individuals cope with and/or transcend each stage.

For this approach, each life stage centers on a specific “I am” belief. At each stage, we identify so completely with that aspect of ourselves that we are unable to look at it from an outside perspective. 

As noted earlier, the goal is to move from “I am”, to “I have”, or to realize, for example, “I am not just a body, but I have a body.” But again, we not be able to identify which perspective we are coming from so looking at the other details of each stage may be more helpful in determining which stage we’re in.

The 8 Life Stages

• I am my body
• I am my personality
• I am my actions 
• I am my outcomes
• I am my understandings
• I am my patterns 
• I am my awareness
• I am

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These “I am” beliefs or identifications are hugely important and affect every single thing in our experience. In the next section, we’ll outline specifically how each central worldview affects all other aspects of experience. 

Once we have realized that being entirely separate from others doesn’t make us happy, we begin to see that we are more than a body, and we begin to understand ourselves as our personality, which at this stage is believed to be stable, solid, and unchanging. Our personality generally includes needs, values, emotions, characteristics, beliefs, etc… Thus, we may believe, “I am who I am” or “I can’t change who I am”. (Note. We can’t yet see our personality because we are it).

• Perspective: I am my personality.
• Self-Other overlap: I am part of a group of people who are “my people” (e.g., family, tribe, gang, etc…).
• Focus: Peer group focused. This group can be any type of group that the person identifies with. It might be a family, social group, religion, race, political group, etc…
• Beliefs: If I can just get the approval of “my” people, I’ll be happy. The right type of person is the type of person that I am. 
• Needs: To feel like my personality is good. This is usually achieved by placing oneself around like-peers, “yes-men”, or others who provide validation. 
• Thoughts: My value depends on what others in my group think of me. When accepted, I think I’m better than others. When rejected, I think I’m not good enough. 
• Emotions: Positive emotions emerge from positive social experiences like social approval, inclusion, and acceptance by the group; negative emotions emerge when given negative feedback, criticism, or when excluded from the group. 
• Actions (Behaviors): Conformity, people pleasing, groupthink, loyalty, in-group bias (favoring one’s own group, its members, its characteristics compared to other groups). 
• Intrapersonal challenges: Hypervigilance when with others, fear of rejection, self-consciousness, inability to regulate emotions (because emotions arise from approval and disapproval, which the self can not control), inability to distinguish their needs, wants, values, etc… from those of the group.
• Interpersonal challenges: Over-reliance on the in-group, dehumanization of the out-group.
• Ego defenses: A person at this life stage will be motivated to seek validation from a group of like-peers. Depending on the group, these actions can be violent or manipulative. However, these actions can also be caring or kind.
• How to transcend this stage: Shift the primary perspective from “I am my personality” to “I have a personality”.
• Keys to transcending this stage: Identifying one’s unique emotions, values, needs, and wants,  separate from the peer group.

Once we have realized that blind conformity doesn’t make us happy, we begin to accept that we are different from people in our peer group. We understand we are more than a personality because we are changeable. We now understand that we can take actions (and build skills) to become whoever we want to be. People at this stage may say things like, “Walk the walk” or “You are what you do” which shows that they believe that their actions are who they are. 

• Perspective: I am my actions.
• Self-Other overlap: I am part of a larger group of people who are similar to me in some ways and different in other ways (e.g., a school or workplace).
• Focus: Action focused; skill focused
• Beliefs: If I can just take the right actions, I’ll be happy. The right type of actions are the actions I would choose. 
• Needs: To feel like my actions are right and good.
• Thoughts: My value depends on the actions I take. When I take actions that are valued by the larger group, I think I’m better than others. When I take actions that are NOT valued by the larger group, I think I’m not good enough.
• Emotions: Positive emotions emerge from positive actions; negative emotions emerge from negative actions. What is defined as a positive action or a negative action varies from person to person.
• Actions (Behaviors): Taking action, building skills, wanting credit for actions, criticizing others who choose different actions.
• Intrapersonal challenges: Initially, building skills can be difficult, and we may experience low self-esteem when we see that others are more skilled than us. 
• Interpersonal challenges: Social comparison and jealousy can lead a person at this stage to negative feelings, competitiveness, and sabotaging others.
• Ego defenses: A person at this life stage will be motivated to build skills and improve their abilities in ways that solidify their membership in the larger group. 
• How to transcend this stage: Shift the primary perspective from “I am my actions” to “I take actions”.
• Keys to transcending this stage: Developing longer-term thinking, understanding that different actions have different results, and realizing that actions don’t matter unless they lead to the desired outcomes.

Once we have realized that the fruit of our actions is actually their results, we begin to see that we are not just our actions but also the results (or outcomes) of our actions. Here, we become focused on achievements and how we can take the best possible actions to get the best possible results. We are now every employer’s dream employee.

• Perspective: I am my outcomes.
• Self-Other overlap: I am part of a small community including people I have never met (e.g., a city).
• Focus: Achievement focused; outcome focused
• Beliefs: If I only achieve X, I’ll be happy. The only valuable achievements are the ones I think are valuable.
• Needs: To feel like my outcomes are good.
• Thoughts: My value depends on what I achieve. When I achieve my goals, I think I’m better than others. When I fail to achieve my goals, I think I’m not good enough.
• Emotions: Positive emotions emerge from achievement and positive outcomes; negative emotions emerge from failure. 
• Actions (Behaviors): Workaholism, climbing the social ladder, taking jobs that are more prestigious or better paid regardless of one’s desires, striving for the bigger house, nicer car, etc…
• Intrapersonal challenges: Burnout, exhaustion, deep dissatisfaction without understanding where it’s coming from.
• Interpersonal challenges: Single-mindedness can lead us to neglect people or social events that would actually improve our well-being. We may also ignore some of our values in the pursuit of greater achievements.
• Ego defenses: A person at this life stage will be motivated to achieve in ways that solidify their membership in their larger community (e.g., make a difference, or have an impact). 
• How to transcend this stage: Shift the primary perspective from “I am my achievements” to “I have achievements”.
• Keys to transcending this stage: Questioning what one is doing and why, noticing that the happiness that comes from achievements is temporary, being willing to develop work-life balance, and prioritizing non-achievement-related activities.

Once we have realized that even our greatest achievements don’t make us happy, we begin to move away from the idea that we are our achievements. We start to question everything we’ve learned up to this point and think about what we really want and who we really are. We may focus on understanding, honesty, and integrity. We are synthesizing knowledge to better understand the gestalt of our reality or develop a holistic worldview. Only 15-20% of adults reach this stage or beyond. 

• Perspective: I am my understandings.
• Self-Other overlap: I am part of a large community (or society) of people with numerous different perspectives. 
• Focus: Understanding focused; values focused
• Beliefs: If I can understand myself and others better (and they can understand me), I’ll be happy. The right values are the ones I have.
• Needs: To better understand myself and my world.
• Thoughts: My value depends on how well I understand myself and my world. When I have more understanding or knowledge, I think I’m better than others. When I feel confused or realize that I got something wrong, I think I’m not good enough.
• Emotions: Positive emotions emerge from understanding something; negative emotions emerge from a lack of understanding (or getting something wrong). 
• Actions (Behaviors): Reading, learning, exploring, studying, deep conversations, sharing our truths, etc…
• Intrapersonal challenges: Confusion about what is real, nihilism, distress around letting go of old ideas and beliefs, fear about being sucked back into the achievement mindset.
• Interpersonal challenges: The desire for understanding leads people at this stage to seek out deep conversations, develop their active listening skills, and communicate honestly. However, given most other people are not yet at this stage, social interactions can become frustrating and disappointing. 
• Ego defenses: A person at this life stage will be motivated to learn and grow in ways that help them understand the world and make them feel less small in their larger community. 
• How to transcend this stage: Shift the primary perspective from “I am my values” to “I have values”. 
• Keys to transcending this stage: Exploring a variety of different perspectives, understanding the social contexts that give rise to these perspectives, taking this understanding and applying it to ourselves to see that our perspectives, too, arise from our past experiences and interactions with other parts of our community or society.

Once we have realized that understanding our world doesn’t make us happy, we begin to move away from identifying with our minds and begin to turn inward. With careful self-observation, we begin to see mental patterns and habits in ourselves and others. 

• Perspective: I am my patterns. (Goode (2016) calls this the opaque witness).
• Self-Other overlap: I am part of a global community with overlapping groups of various sizes that influence each other in innumerable ways.
• Focus: Pattern focused; process focused
• Beliefs: If I can undo my negative patterns (or the negative patterns of society), I’ll be happy. The right way to resolve internal and external patterns is the way that I choose to resolve them. 
• Needs: To understand the roots of emotional pain, move past trauma and cruelty, and stop the patterns of behavior that lead to human suffering.
• Thoughts: My happiness arises from patterns (both internal and external)—patterns that were created through conditioning from peers, family, community, and society. Internal patterns may include limiting beliefs or habits; external patterns may include oppression or racism. When I can see the patterns, I think I’m better than others. When I feel trapped in a pattern, I think I’m not good enough.
• Emotions: Positive emotions emerge from identifying a pattern and stopping it from playing out; negative emotions emerge when we realize that we are still stuck in a specific pattern (personal or societal) and don’t know how to get out.
• Actions (Behaviors): Turning inward, introspection, self-reflection, seeking alone time, exploring mental/emotional patterns, restructuring life in ways that feel better and more authentic.
• Intrapersonal challenges: Emotional pain from old traumas, seeing through our past denial, striving for self-acceptance of shadow elements, noticing social engineering, etc…
• Interpersonal challenges: The ability to see people as patterns can lead some relationships to improve and others to dissolve. On one side, we have more empathy for those who are stuck in destructive patterns. On the other side, we stop believing that we can change people or that they can even change themselves. They are what they are. Knowing that each relationship “is what it is” forces us to re-evaluate whether we want to stay in that relationship. 
• Ego defenses: A person at this life stage will be motivated to identify and undo the patterns that have made them both a victim and a perpetrator so that they may feel like a better member of their global community. 
• How to transcend this stage: Shift the primary perspective from “I am my patterns” to “I have patterns”.
• Keys to transcending this stage: Exploring our patterns, their origins, and how they play out, working to rewrite patterns that no longer serve us, and resolving old trauma.

At this stage, we realize that we can’t possibly be our patterns (or any of the things we identified with in the earlier stages) because we are observing these things. This is when we shift to realizing that we are awareness itself, observing our body, personality, actions, outcomes, mind, and patterns. 

• Perspective: I am my awareness.
• Self-Other overlap: I am part of a universe with innumerable beings. 
• Focus: Awareness focused; consciousness focused
• Beliefs: If I can just transcend my ego (which includes all of the self-identifications), I’ll be happy. The right way to transcend the ego is the way that I choose. 
• Needs: To find the self, to move beyond suffering, to find true well-being.
• Thoughts: I begin to observe all the thoughts that I’ve had in all the earlier stages including the ones that lead me to think, “I’m better than others” and “I’m not good enough.” When I have greater awareness, I think I’m better than others. When I have less awareness, I think I’m not good enough.
• Emotions: I observe how positive emotions emerge in the same ways they did at any of the prior stages; I observe how negative emotions emerge in the same ways they did at any of the prior stages. Observing these emotions initially results in stronger emotions or mixed emotions—we can see for the first time the extent of the pain we’ve endured throughout our lives and we grieve for ourselves. As we move through this stage, the emotions calm down—it becomes increasingly obvious that none of this is who we really are and none of it is in our control.
• Actions (Behaviors): Ongoing self-awareness, observing of beliefs, thoughts, emotions, patterns, etc…
• Intrapersonal challenges: Uncertainty, disillusionment, lack of groundedness as we begin to let go of the entire structure that we thought held together our self and our world. Grief often emerges as we let go of all our self-definitions and ideas of what reality is. 
• Interpersonal challenges: An overwhelming sense of loneliness and a sense that no one understands us can emerge. We have few people to talk to about our perspective and experiences (because few people have experienced this stage), and we lose interest in doing the things most humans enjoy (going to bars, movies, malls, restaurants, travel, etc…)
• Ego defenses: A person at this life stage will be motivated to get to the root of reality itself and dissolve the ego. Sometimes this motivation is driven by a desire to inflate the positive ego—to feel bigger or more powerful than others. Sometimes the motivation is driven by the desire to deflate the negative ego—to stop the feelings of “not good enough.” Either way, the ego is motivating its own self-destruction. 
• How to transcend this stage: Shift the primary perspective from “I am my awareness” to simply “I am”.
• Keys to transcending this stage: Allowing anything to come up that wants to come up, feeling our pain fully, observing all of our experiences without judgment, and surrendering to the roller coaster of awakening stages, the dark night of the soul, and ego dissolution. Letting go of the personal will and efforting. Allowing the witness (awareness) to become more transparent and stable (Goode, 2016).

• Cook-Greuter, S. (2014). Ego development: A full-spectrum theory of vertical growth and meaning making. mimeo, Wayland.
  
• Goode, G. (2016). After Awareness: The End of the Path. New Harbinger Publications.
  
• Ingram, Daniel. (2018). Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha: An Unusually Hardcore Dharma Book – Revised and Expanded Edition. Aeon Books.
  
• Sayadaw, M. (1994). The progress of insight: a treatise on satipatthana meditation. Buddhist Publication Society.
  
• ​Wilber, K. (2007). Integral spirituality: A startling new role for religion in the modern and postmodern world. Shambhala Publications.