Of Women, Young Adults, & Yourself​

• Baby talk: using overly simplified language, a high-pitched voice, and baby-like phrases when communicating with adults who are fully capable of understanding regular speech.
• Ignoring competence: disregarding a person’s skills, knowledge, or experience and assuming they are incapable of handling tasks or responsibilities.
• Overprotecting: being excessively cautious and protective over someone’s activities, even when they are capable of making decisions and taking care of themselves.
• Controlling decisions: making decisions on behalf of someone without their input, even if they are capable of making their own choices. 
• Praising basic achievements: offering excessive praise or rewards for completing basic tasks that are well within a person’s abilities. For example, “You made it to work on time every day this week. Good for you!”
• Using pet names: referring to adults by diminutive nicknames that are typically used for children (e.g., “sweetie,” “honey,” “baby”). 
• Ignoring boundaries: not respecting personal boundaries and treating someone as if they have no say in how they are treated or touched.
• Simplifying instructions: providing overly simplistic or step-by-step instructions for tasks that someone is perfectly capable of handling without such guidance. 
• Assuming helplessness: automatically assuming someone can’t perform common tasks or manage situations.
• Excessive neediness: constantly seeking praise, compliments, or attention, thereby infantilizing yourself.
• Childish clothes: adult women dressed as little girls and hypersexualized, commonly seen in many fashion magazines.
• Belittling opinions: dismissing or trivializing an individual’s thoughts, opinions, or feelings as if they lack the capacity to have valuable insights.
• Mocking independence: making fun of or ridiculing someone when they attempt to assert their independence or take on responsibilities.
• Micromanaging: constantly overseeing and controlling someone’s actions in a way that undermines their sense of autonomy and self-confidence.

Women may be infantilized as a means of control or to prevent them from gaining power. It’s a form of sexism and gender discrimination, as it reinforces traditional gender roles and stereotypes that position women as subordinate to men. It can occur in both personal and professional settings, and it often reflects deeply ingrained societal attitudes and biases.

The infantilization of women diminishes their agency, capabilities, and autonomy. Examples of infantilization of women include:
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• Using diminutive or condescending language: referring to adult women using terms like “girls” instead of “women,” or using overly cutesy or patronizing language that implies they are not fully grown or capable. While referring to women as “girls” may not seem like a big deal, studies indicate that using this type of language influences our self-perception and how we perceive others (MacArthur et al., 2020).
• Advertising: portraying grown women looking and behaving childishly through dress, demeanor, and/or posture (Carlson, 2010). For example, in most fashion magazines it’s not hard to find ads that show images of women as hypersexualized adolescent girls. 
• Making decisions for women without their consent: assuming that women cannot make informed decisions for themselves and making choices on their behalf, disregarding their opinions and desires.
• Dismissing women’s competence: underestimating or downplaying the knowledge and skills of women, particularly in male-dominated fields, and assuming that they need more guidance and assistance than their male counterparts (Epstein et al., 2023).
• Portraying women as helpless or fragile: viewing women as needing protection, rescuing, or constant assistance, reinforcing stereotypes of their vulnerability and incapability (Epstein et al., 2023).
• Policing women’s behavior and appearance: dictating how women should dress, behave, or express themselves, often based on notions of what is considered “appropriate” or “ladylike.”
• Ignoring women’s achievements: disregarding or diminishing the accomplishments and successes of women, attributing their achievements to luck or external factors rather than their competence and hard work.
• Stereotyping based on “proper place” in society: assuming that a woman’s primary role and identity should revolve around motherhood and homemaking, ignoring her other aspirations and capacities (Epstein et al., 2023).

While things have gotten better in recent decades, research shows that women are still often treated as inferior partly because of false assumptions about their inherent incompetence (Epstein et al., 2023). ​

Have you ever felt like your partner was treating you like a child? Or maybe it was the other way around. When a new relationship is established, sometimes one partner takes on the role of “parent” and the other becomes the “child.” This can erode the infantilized partner’s self-esteem, confidence, and sense of autonomy. 

Here are some signs and behaviors to look out for:
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• Decision-making control: one partner consistently making decisions for the other without considering their opinions or preferences, assuming that they cannot handle making choices on their own. 
• Speaking for them: one partner frequently speaking on behalf of the other, even when it’s not necessary, effectively silencing their voice and dismissing their ability to communicate effectively.
• Parental tone: using a parental or patronizing tone when addressing the other partner, which can make them feel belittled and incapable.
• Assigning chores and responsibilities: treating one partner like a child by assigning them tasks or responsibilities in a way that feels condescending or controlling.
• Financial control: exerting control over the other partner’s finances, not allowing them to manage their own money, or giving them allowances as if they were a child.
• Ignoring boundaries: disregarding personal boundaries and personal space. This could also include searching a partner’s room, belongings, and private communications (emails/texts). 
• Limiting independence: not allowing the other partner to engage in activities, hobbies, or friendships without needing constant approval or validation.
• Constant monitoring: keeping tabs on the other partner’s whereabouts, activities, and interactions as if they require constant supervision.
• Gaslighting: manipulating someone into doubting their perceptions and experiences (American Psychological Association, 2023).

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Healthy relationships, particularly romantic ones, are built on mutual respect, communication, and a sense of equality where both partners support each other’s growth and independence. ​

Infantilizing yourself means behaving like a child or acting like you need more help than you do. Someone might behave like this to elicit nurturing behavior from others or to get others to do things for them. Not only is it manipulative, but in the long run, it has undesirable or unhealthy side effects. These include loss of feeling empowered, lower self-confidence, and damage to relationships.

Here are a few behaviors people use to infantilize themselves:

• Language: using baby talk, a high-pitched voice, and simple vocabulary.
• Clothing: wearing childish clothing like onesies or clothes with cartoon characters.
• Dependency: relying on others to do things like make decisions.
• Avoiding responsibilities: neglecting adult responsibilities like paying bills, maintaining a job, or managing personal finances.
• Seeking nurturing: actively trying to get others to coddle or pamper (not to be confused with affection).
• Emotional dysregulation: not managing and expressing emotions in a mature and balanced way, leading to emotional outbursts or overreacting, sometimes including temper tantrums (like a child).
• Seeking praise: needing and eliciting constant praise and attention from others (again, like a child).

The infantilizing of young adults—people aged 18 to 25—has been associated with lower self-esteem, dependency, depression, feelings of incompetence, and trouble forming trusting relationships later in life (Epstein et al., 2023). It usually involves things like overprotective parenting, patronizing speech, or undermining the person’s autonomy and decision-making skills.

Young adults (and all of us) can benefit from the guidance and support of others. However, studies show that parents, educators, and employers often view people in this age range as incompetent, immature, risk-prone, and untrustworthy (Epstein et al., 2023). From my experience as a manager, this is an unfounded stereotype, as these qualities can be seen in adults of all ages. (My 23-year-old niece is far more mature and responsible than many older adults I’ve worked with.)

The rising prevalence of “helicopter parenting” may be partly to blame. In this style of parenting, parents exert too much control over their kids’ lives, even after they’ve reached adulthood (Epstein et al, 2023). An example is parents who continue to micromanage their adult children’s lives, from making decisions about their careers to handling their personal finances.​

Older adults are often treated as incompetent children. This is considered a form of elder maltreatment and includes things like baby talk, patronizing speech, nicknames, reprimanding them as if they were a child, using toys and childlike activities, and removal of choice (Salari, 2005).

Just because a person needs some extra help doesn’t mean they should be treated like a child. Treating older adults as if they are children undermines their sense of dignity, autonomy, and self-worth. It disregards the life experiences and wisdom they have gained over the years.

To promote healthy aging and respectful treatment of older adults, it’s crucial to interact with older people as competent individuals with unique experiences, abilities, and preferences. Studies show that infantilizing elderly adults can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Treating them as incompetent children can lead them to become weaker and more dependent. This, in turn, can lead to cognitive decline (Epstein et al., 2023). ​

Narcissists may behave in ways that encourage others to infantilize them:
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• Attention seeking: People with narcissism often crave attention and validation (Caligor et al., 2015). If they find that behaving in a childlike or helpless manner garners more attention, they might be inclined to adopt such behaviors to maintain the spotlight.
• Manipulation: Some people with narcissistic traits may manipulate others (O’Reilly & Hall, 2021). If the manipulation involves eliciting pity or sympathy, it can lead to being treated in an infantilizing way.
• Avoiding responsibility: Narcissistic individuals may resist taking responsibility for their actions or decisions. This can result in others assuming a caregiving or protective role, further reinforcing infantilization.

In addition, narcissistic parents tend to infantilize their children. This may be partly because narcissistic parents have a strong need to be needed. By attempting to prevent children from growing up emotionally and becoming independent adults, these parents are often able to keep their kids dependent on them. This serves to preserve their importance in their kids’ lives.  ​

Infantilization of people with autism shows in many of the same ways that it shows for other groups of people. This includes speaking to them condescendingly, not allowing them to make decisions, underestimating their abilities, and being overly protective. As with the infantilization of elderly people, this type of treatment disregards their autonomy, undermines their dignity, and may limit their potential. It can also lead to frustration, isolation, and a lack of self-confidence.

One study argues part of the reason people with autism are infantilized is because it’s portrayed as only affecting children. In 2011, 95% of websites dedicated to autism featured images of children. Also, the majority of media outlets feature stories and depictions of autism mostly in children (Stevenson et al., 2011). Autism isn’t something you outgrow, so of course there are plenty of adults with autism. But for some reason, we don’t see or hear as much about them.

Infantilization in Western culture can be seen in how we’re encouraged to stay stuck in a never-ending state of infancy and adolescence—in how there’s no separation between childhood and adulthood (Keij, 2022). Some scholars argue that not only does Western culture promote childish attitudes and living as a perpetual adolescent, it also doesn’t reward us for acting like mature adults. Mature behavior may even be met with disapproval (Bernardini, 2014).

The other day, I received an email from the social media platform Meetup, asking me if I wanted to join a virtual “Rock, Paper, Scissors” game. Hmmm . . . Haven’t done that since I was a kid. But maybe that’s the point. It’s nostalgic, bringing you back to “carefree childhood.” An escape. Seems harmless, right?

In that case, probably. However, being stuck in an adolescent mindset inhibits critical thinking, stagnates personal growth, and limits the ability to take responsibility (Keij, 2022). 

Examples of infantilization in Western culture include:
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• Leisure activities: Things like “Disney Adults” and attending theme parks without children are increasing in popularity. So are things like adult coloring books, playgrounds for adults, playing video games for hours on end, and nostalgia-themed parties. 
• Language: Recently we’ve seen the creation of new terms such as “kidult” and “adulting.” Kidult describes an adult who persists in having juvenile tastes and participating in activities originally designed for kids. Adulting is used to describe having to do things that are associated with being a responsible adult, as in, “Ugh, I can’t believe I have to spend my Saturday morning doing laundry and cleaning the apartment. The struggles of adulting are real.”
• Social media: Many people use emojis, stickers, and simplified language, and obsess over the number of “likes” they’ve received. Social media also encourages levels of attention-seeking behavior which are reminiscent of childhood.
• Political discourse: In politics, the use of simplistic messaging, soundbites, and emotionally charged language is a way of treating voters as if they are unable to comprehend complex issues, leading to an infantilizing effect.
• Education and workplaces: In some cases, workplace environments might adopt overly nurturing or patronizing approaches toward employees, treating them as if they need constant supervision or praise. Similarly, educational settings that overly focus on rewarding every small achievement might inadvertently foster a sense of infantilization among students.
• Media and entertainment: Some forms of media portray adults engaging in childish behavior, relying heavily on humor derived from juvenile situations. Reality TV shows, movies featuring cartoon characters, and shows that use juvenile humor and themes are examples.
• Advertising and marketing: Many advertisements use childlike imagery, such as cute animals, bright colors, and simplified language, to appeal to consumers. This approach can sometimes treat adults as if they have a limited understanding or decision-making capacity, thus infantilizing them. More on this in the next section.

Infantilization in advertising refers to a marketing strategy in which products, services, or brands are portrayed in a way that appeals to consumers’ childlike or immature qualities. This approach often involves using imagery, language, and themes that evoke feelings of innocence, vulnerability, or nostalgia. The goal is to create a sense of comfort and familiarity, encouraging consumers to connect with the product or brand on an emotional level.

Marketers encourage adults to think and behave like children to keep them perpetually buying more “toys.” The tendency for some adults to want to revert to childhood is at least partly driven by marketers taking advantage of our fear of aging (Epstein et al., 2023). 

Here are some ways it shows up:
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• Childlike imagery: Advertisements may use images of children, cartoon characters, or animals to trigger nostalgic or childlike emotions. These images can create a sense of warmth and familiarity, making consumers more receptive to the product being promoted. Think of the Energizer bunny or the Geico gecko.
• Simple language and design: This approach aims to make the content easily digestible, mirroring the way children process information.
• Nostalgic effect: Many consumers respond positively to messages that tap into their memories and emotions from childhood. Brands may use nostalgic references or play on sentimental feelings to create a strong connection with their audience (Bernardini, 2014).

While infantilization can be a successful marketing tactic, some consumers may find it patronizing or condescending. Also, some researchers argue that our capitalist culture aims to extend adolescence, promotes overconsumption, and leads to environmental harm (Brisman & South, 2015). 

The marketing strategy is to encourage us to give in to childish urges for instant gratification in order to sell more. It can be seen as an attempt to bypass our logical thinking abilities. If you stop to consider things like a mature adult, you may end up deciding not to buy (gasp!). There’s a fine line between evoking nostalgia and exploiting emotions for commercial gain.​

Recognizing and addressing infantilization is crucial for promoting respect, autonomy, and healthy relationships. Whether it occurs in personal interactions, professional settings, or societal attitudes, infantilization can undermine an individual’s confidence and hinder their personal growth. By understanding its harmful effects and taking concrete steps to counteract it, we can move toward a more inclusive and empowering society. 

If you suspect you’re being infantilized by someone, it’s important to have an open and honest discussion with the person. Additionally, seeking individual therapy, relationship counseling, or family therapy can be helpful to combat infantilization’s negative effects and improve relationships.

• American Psychological Association. (2023). Gaslight. In APA dictionary of psychology. Retrieved August 31, 2023, from https://dictionary.apa.org/gaslight
• Bernardini, J. (2014). The infantilization of the postmodern adult and the figure of kidult. Postmodern Openings, 5(2), 39–55.
• Brisman, A., & South, N. (2015). ‘Life-stage dissolution’, infantilization and antisocial consumption. Young, 23(3), 209–221. 
• Caligor, E., Levy, K. N., & Yeomans, F. E. (2015). Narcissistic personality disorder: Diagnostic and clinical challenges. American Journal of Psychiatry, 172(5), 415-422.
• Carlson, C. (2010). Desensitization of infantilization. Journal of Undergraduate Research, 13, 1–23.
• Epstein, R., Bock, S. D., Drew, M. J., & Scandalis, Z. (2023). Infantilization across the life span: A large-scale internet study suggests that emotional abuse is especially damaging. Motivation and Emotion, 47(1), 137–163.
• Keij, D. (2022). The risks of a recurring childhood: Deleuze and Guattari on becoming-child and infantilization. Educational Philosophy and Theory, 1–11.
• MacArthur, H. J., Cundiff, J. L., & Mehl, M. R. (2020). Estimating the prevalence of gender-biased language in undergraduates’ everyday speech. Sex Roles, 82, 81–93.
• O’Reilly, C. A., & Hall, N. (2021). Grandiose narcissists and decision making: Impulsive, overconfident, and skeptical of experts–but seldom in doubt. Personality and Individual Differences, 168, 110280.
• Salari, S. M. (2005). Infantilization as elder mistreatment: Evidence from five adult day centers. Journal of Elder Abuse & Neglect, 17(4), 53–91. https://doi.org/10.1300/j084v17n04_04 
• Stevenson, J. L., Harp, B., & Gernsbacher, M. A. (2011). Infantilizing Autism. Disability Studies Quarterly: DSQ, 31(3).