Definition & How to Build It

The English word rapport is based on the French verb rapporter, which means “to carry something back”. While the French definition doesn’t encompass all aspects of the English word, it offers a promising start. In fact, we might think of rapport as a way to describe how well two people are “carrying” a conversation or relationship together.

What does this “carrying” consist of? In general, rapport typically involves feeling positively toward each other, being focused on and invested in each other, and having a sense of harmony (Hall et al., 2009). Rapport is also present when we talk about feeling a “click” or “chemistry” between us and another person (Tickle-Degnen & Rosenthal, 1990).
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One friendship of mine started with immediate rapport. During my bus commute home one night, my seatmate glanced at my computer screen and asked a meaningful question about the research I was doing. As he asked follow-up questions, he turned toward me and listened actively. I sensed his genuine curiosity. I found myself wondering who this person was, why he was so interested in me. I asked questions back. It was easy to connect with him. We felt the rapport right away and we’re still close friends today.

The opposite of rapport is the absence of warmth, attention, and caring. When a relationship lacks rapport, you do not feel compatible with the other person. Maybe you talk over each other or experience silences that go on a little too long. It doesn’t seem like you’re “getting” each other. Instead, you might find yourselves disagreeing or even feeling cold toward each other.

We have all had this experience at some point. Perhaps you’ve had a first date where you couldn’t find a conversational rhythm, and you quickly realized that the chemistry just wasn’t there. Maybe a salesperson overwhelmed you with information instead of actively listening to you, or a therapist seemed more interested in covering all their intake questions than empathically listening hearing your answers. What’s consistent across these situations is the experience of not feeling seen, understood, or cared for.

We know from research in the fields of psychology, medicine, and business that for trust to form in a relationship, good rapport must be established and maintained (Dang et al., 2017; Leslie & Lonneman, 2016; Macintosh, 2009). Therapists, doctors, and businesspeople alike practice their skills of rapport-building so that they can build profitable relationships with clients – whether the profit is a better health outcome or another car sold.
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If you search for videos about rapport on YouTube, you will find many videos offering training in these very life skills. Sometimes, they can make rapport sound like a means to an end – “build rapport to get the other person to do what you want them to do.” But good rapport is genuine, and we can often feel when the other person has ulterior motives. The best doctors, therapists, and salespeople are the ones who truly want to understand you and help you get what you need.

Whatever their motives, all those talking heads do have great advice about how to build rapport. We can break down rapport-building into two elements – what you say and what you do.

When building rapport with another person, effective communication skills are essential (Leach, 2005). You can ask open-ended questions about the things that interest them, show curiosity about how the person thinks, show empathy, and do your best to paraphrase and summarize what you hear. Try to be attentive to and respectful of the other person’s values, beliefs, and the personality traits that make them who they are. You may find it helpful to share – although without interrupting – your own experiences that are closely related to theirs.

Your body language can also demonstrate your interest and openness toward the other person. Think of when you have felt most closely listened to. The person listening to you was probably engaging in some “mirroring​” and “matching” behaviors (Sharpley et al., 2001). They probably had their body oriented toward you, were seated or standing in a posture similar to yours, and may even have been imitating your hand gestures. 

Finally, as a clinician, I often instinctively raise and lower my voice to match my client’s vocal level. This seems to help our rapport in two ways: by helping me feel more of what they are feeling, and by showing my client that I recognize the feeling behind their words. ​

Therapeutic rapport is the development of rapport between a care provider and a client. Since many people come to medical providers or psychotherapists with some degree of hesitation about disclosing exactly what they’re struggling with, therapeutic rapport is essential to successful treatment (Leach, 2005). If you are seeking mental health services, you probably have good rapport with your therapist when you feel respected, understood, empathized with, and like you and the therapist are collaborating to improve your well-being (Leach, 2005).

When clients feel this way, they are more motivated to follow through with treatment, whether that means showing up for appointments consistently, practicing skills at home, or taking medication regularly. Good rapport also makes clients feel safe self-disclosing what they’re going through, which leads to more effective diagnosis and better treatment outcomes (Cloitre et al., 2004; Krupnick et al., 1996).

Here are some brief tips for connecting with clients, customers, and students. In all of these interactions, it helps to remember that there might be a power differential – one of you has something the other person wants, whether it’s money, knowledge, or help healing. Good rapport means bridging that power gap and making the relationship one of mutual respect and common ground.

Building Rapport with Students
If you’re an instructor of some kind, you can build rapport more easily with your students by showing that you are genuinely interested in their thoughts and opinions, that you respect their backgrounds and beliefs, and that you are learning together about your topic. This last point is particularly important: presenting your class as a collaborative and interactive experience can help students see themselves as active and participatory learners, not passive recipients of knowledge (Chickering & Gamson, 1987).

Building Rapport with Clients
Especially in the field of mental health, where clients often feel fear and shame regarding the difficulties they experience, being warm, interested, open, and nonjudgmental can help clients feel safe and understood (Harrigan & Rosenthal, 1983). As a therapist, I make a point of normalizing the experiences my clients have, especially those that seem particularly difficult. 

Building Rapport with Customers
Good rapport is also central to successful interactions in business settings: customers and salespeople alike believe that the quality of the relationship greatly influences whether purchases are made or contracts are signed (Gremler & Gwinner, 2000). If your professional role involves befriending customers, know that rapport with customers is optimized by using their names, building connections over shared experiences, and making it clear you understand what they’re looking for and that it matters to you that they get it (Gremler & Gwinner, 2000).

Want to learn more about rapport? Here are some related articles that might be helpful.​

• 272 Deep Questions to Ask: A Guy, Girl, Friend, or Anyone
• Assertive Communication: Definition, Examples, & Techniques
• ​​Emotional Detachment: Definition, Causes & Signs​
• Emotional Unavailability: Definition, Causes, & Signs​​
• Relationship Goals: Definition, Examples, & Tips
• Long Distance Relationships: Definition, Tips, & Red Flags

To keep learning about rapport, here are some books to explore:​​

• ​Chickering, A. W. & Gamson, Z. F. (1987). Seven principles for good practice in undergraduate education. American Association for Higher Education, 39(7), 3-7.
• Cloitre, M., Stovall-McClough, C., Miranda, R., & Chmetob, C. M. (2004). Therapeutic alliance, negative mood regulation, and treatment outcome in child abuse-related posttraumatic stress disorder. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 72(3), 411-416.
• Dang, B. N., Westbrook, R. A., Njue, S. M., & Giordano, T. P. (2017). Building trust and rapport in the new doctor-patient relationship: a longitudinal qualitative study. BMC Medical Education, 17, 32.
• Gremler, D. D., & Gwinner, K. P. (2000). Customer-employee rapport in service relationships. Journal of Service Research, 3(1), 82-104.
• Hall, J. A., Roter, D. L., Blanch, D. C., & Frankel, R. M. (2009). Observer-rated rapport in interactions between medical students and standardized patients. Patient Education and Counseling, 76(3), 323-327.
• Harrigan, J. A., & Rosenthal, R. (1983). Physicians’ head and body positions as determinants of perceived rapport. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 13(6), 496-509.
• Krupnick, J. K., Sotsky, S. M., Simmens, S., Moyer, J., Elkin, I., Watkins, J., & Pilkonis, P. A. (1996). The role of the therapeutic alliance in psychotherapy and pharmacotherapy outcomes: findings in the National Institute of Mental Health Treatment of Depression collaborative research program. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 64(3), 532-539.
• Leach, M. J. (2005). Rapport: a key to treatment success. Complementary Therapies in Clinical Practice, 11(4), 262-265.
• Leslie, J. L., & Lonneman, W. (2016). Promoting trust in the register nurse-patient relationship. Home Healthcare Now, 34(1), 38-42.
• Macintosh, G. (2009). Examining the antecedents of trust and rapport in services: Discovering new interrelationships. Journal of Retailing and Consumer Services, 16(4), 298-305.
• Sharpley, C. F., Halat, J., Rabinowicz, T., Weiland, B., & Stafford, J. (2001). Standard posture, postural mirroring and client-perceived rapport. Counselling Psychology Quarterly, 14(4), 267-280.
• Tickle-Degnen, L., & Rosenthal, R. (1990). The nature of rapport and its nonverbal correlates. Psychological Inquiry, 1(4), 285-293.