Control Freak: Definition, Psychology, & Characteristics

While I can’t personally relate to their perspective, I understand that the need for control exists on a spectrum: Some people are quite comfortable going with the flow while others want to be in charge as much as possible. Some people will even go so far as to call themselves or somebody else a control freak for the level of desire they feel to have things go “just so.”

I think the term “control freak” only adds to the stigma around mental health. Applying stigmatizing labels to people who are overcontrolling—there’s a clinical term for you—won’t help them manage their overcontrolling tendencies. But we can talk about overcontrol as a human tendency, taking a look at the psychological literature to see how it works and how people manage this aspect of their personalities.​

A person who overcontrols, sometimes known as a control freak, tries to organize the world around them as much as possible in order to feel better (Lynch et al., 2016). A control freak keeps their environment as orderly as possible by having a routine and minimizing deviations from that routine, avoiding situations they cannot control, and often staying disengaged from others. For example, they may believe that sharing their emotions with others will cause situations to get out of hand, so they avoid entering into that kind of situation in the first place.
 
For some people, overcontrol is related to a drive toward perfectionism (Lynch et al., 2016). The fear of failure or imperfection can cause people both to avoid situations that may not go well and to control their environments as much as possible. Overcontrol can also be a response to depression (Lafrance & Stoppard, 2006); in a study of formerly depressed women, they described having unrealistic expectations of themselves and hoping that if they could only perfect their domestic spaces or themselves as spouses and homemakers, their depression would lift.
 
For some people, the tendency to overcontrol is so intense and so rigid that they qualify for a diagnosis of what is called obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, or OCPD (Koutoufa & Furnham, 2014). This is a poorly understood psychiatric diagnosis that, although it sounds similar to obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), is actually pretty different. The hallmark characteristic of OCD is obsessive worries about negative life outcomes which one manages by engaging in compulsive behaviors that seem to reduce the worry (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). People with OCPD do not engage in rituals and compulsions; instead, they try to manage their entire lives with as much control as possible.
 
The overlap between OCD and OCPD is actually quite small (Albert et al., 2004). People with OCD may exercise control in a few specific areas of their lives, as they have very context-specific fears such as leaving the oven on. In the rest of their lives, they may move freely and without a need to control their circumstances. On the other hand, people with OCPD will avoid many situations or try to rigidly control most any situation they find themselves in.​

People high in overcontrol usually share personality traits and characteristics (APA, 2013). They can be described as perfectionists, highly detail-oriented, hardworking, overly rigid, and so high in the personality trait of conscientiousness that they can almost never change or compromise on their morals and principles.​

Overcontrol is a more common trait in women than in men and seems to be present in somewhere between 2% and 8% of the population (APA, 2013). A defining trait of these people—and importantly, something that differentiates them from people with OCD—is that they generally do not see their behavior as impairing or undesirable. Much to the contrary, overcontrolling people often see their behaviors as reflecting very important core values and personal goals that they possess (Taylor et al., 2011). In other words, a person with OCD might be very frustrated by their compulsive behaviors and not want other people to know about them. But when it comes to people we could call control freaks, their excessive level of control seems essential to who they are and is perhaps even perceived by them as one of their best qualities.

How do people end up being so controlling of their environments and their lives? One theory for explaining this phenomenon is that we naturally have two choices for interacting with our environments: trying to control them proactively or regulating our responses to them (Heckhausen & Schulz, 1995). Proactive control naturally feels more empowering and seems more effective, so we gravitate toward that. At the same time, it is also very adaptive to become accustomed to accepting life as it comes, and people high in overcontrol have difficulty doing this.

This phenomenon of seeking to control the external world may be especially common in people who grew up in highly unstable or dangerous environments. For example, most people with OCPD report experiencing childhood abuse, typically neglect (Battle et al., 2004), so it makes sense that as adults they would try to arrange their lives to minimize the likelihood of unexpected and painful experiences.

Another angle is that of personality traits. People high in overcontrol tend to be very high in the trait of conscientiousness and low in the traits of extroversion and openness to experience (Reynolds & Clark, 2001). Perhaps you can see how this combination of traits would naturally predispose somebody to being highly controlling: They have a natural preference for order and a low tolerance for social interactions and novel situations.

A good number of people high in overcontrol are also very indecisive and can even become hoarders over time (Riddle et al., 2016). They may become so preoccupied with figuring out the right way to do something that they fail to get into action, and they may become so worried about needing an object at some point in the future that they simply cannot bear to part with it.

People high in overcontrol tend to struggle in their close relationships (Mike et al., 2018). It is so important to them to maintain order and follow the rules they have set for themselves that they frequently find themselves in conflict with the needs or preferences of their family and friends. In the face of such conflict, they can become very demanding and stubborn, struggling to find a way to compromise so that both people’s needs can be met.
 
The focus of overcontrollers on being analytical and following rules can also make it hard for them to pay attention to and feel empathy for their partner’s feelings (Cain et al., 2015). This may especially be the case for men who are overcontrolling.​

People with overcontrol problems have higher rates of negative emotions and more difficulty with emotion regulation (Steenkamp et al., 2015). What might this look like in practical terms? An overcontrolling person might struggle to know which emotions they are feeling, instead only being aware that they are upset and that it feels intolerable to be upset. Or they might have insight into their emotions but refuse to accept what they are feeling. Finally, they generally have few options for managing their emotions beyond establishing even more of a sense of control in their lives.
 
Another symptom of overcontrol is finding unstructured time very difficult (Villemarette-Pittman et al., 2004). Someone who is overcontrolling will plan out their days with as much detail and organization as possible. When faced with an opportunity to relax, they will likely reject the possibility and look instead for more ways to be productive or to create more order in their lives.
 
Additionally, people high in overcontrol are very dedicated to building and maintaining systems in their lives (Baron-Cohen, 2006). While this can make them excellent managers of companies, families, or social groups, it is driven by a desire to understand and have as much control over these systems as possible, which means these people are likely to strongly resist changes that might occur in such systems. The ability to predict with great accuracy what will happen in a given system is often more important to them than how good everybody else feels about how the system works. For example, an overcontrolling person might balk at the suggestion that their book club meet thirty minutes later than usual or that the family switch airlines to take advantage of greatly reduced fares.​

Overcontrol can quickly become apparent in professional settings, as people high in overcontrol can easily get obsessed with the pursuit of productivity (Atroszko et al., 2020). Rates of work addiction are high in overcontrollers, and just like any other addict, they are often engaged in their activity well beyond the point where it gives them pleasure. Overcontrollers experience high rates of burnout and job-related stress but have difficulty scaling back their levels of engagement and investment in their work. They may even take on extra or unnecessary work out of this compulsive tendency (Mudrack, 2004).

Parents who over control are often called authoritarian parents—they overemphasize managing their children’s behaviors and underemphasize promoting independence in their children and showing their children warmth (Chorpita & Barlow, 1998). Unfortunately, authoritarian parenting can teach a child that their environment is unsafe and that they themselves cannot manage it sufficiently; this can lead to overcontrol becoming a trait that gets passed down from one generation to the next.

​Want to learn more? Check out these articles:

• Self-Control: Definition, Theory, & Skills
• Self-Regulation: Definition, Skills, & Strategies
• Stress Management: Definition, Techniques, and Strategies
• ​Deceitfulness: In Dating, Business, & Marriage
• ​Control Your Mind: Techniques, Examples, & Quotes​​​​​​​​​​​​​

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