Definition, Family Systems, & Psychology

Family systems theory is a psychological and therapeutic theory that views the family as an interconnected system, where the behavior of each family member affects and is affected by the behavior of other members (Watson, 2012). This perspective contrasts with other therapeutic approaches that focus on an individual or a dyadic relationship between two family members (i.e., parent and child, siblings, spouses, etc.) and suggests that understanding the dynamics within a family is crucial for understanding individual behavior and psychological issues.​

A few key principles and concepts of family systems theory include:

Interconnectedness

Family systems theory is particularly concerned with the interconnectedness of families and the subsystems within those families. Much like other systems, each component piece influences the function of the whole. In other words, family members are seen as interconnected, and changes in one member’s behavior or emotional state are understood to have ripple effects throughout the family system (Watson, 2012).
​
Feedback Loops

The effects one family member can have on another often cause feedback loops (Watson, 2012). Feedback loops, in the context of a family, can be conceptualized like this: Changes in family member A cause changes in family member B, which in turn cause changes in family member A, and so on. For example, imagine a parent who comes home in a bad mood after a hard day at work. Because they are in a bad mood, they are curt and disengaged from their child. This causes the child to feel upset by their parent’s behavior and act out, which prolongs the negative mood of the parent.

​​Organization and Family Roles

According to family systems theory, families are organized into subsystems. For example, the relationship between parents is one subsystem, the relationship between parent and child is another, and the relationship between siblings is a third (Bacon & Conway, 2022). Each subsystem is thought to carry a set of boundaries and rules that help define the role each family member plays within each subsystem. For example, the role of a big brother in the sibling subsystem is very different from the role he plays in the parent-child subsystem.

In the context of family systems theory, enmeshment describes a dysfunctional family dynamic characterized by blurred or weak boundaries between individual family members (Bacon & Conway, 2022). In enmeshed families, personal boundaries are poorly defined, and there is often an excessive emotional involvement and overdependency among family members.

Here are some key characteristics and consequences of enmeshment:

​​Lack of Individuality

Enmeshed family members may struggle to develop and maintain a sense of individuality. They may have difficulty distinguishing their own thoughts, feelings, and identities from those of other family members. This can result in a lack of autonomy and personal identity.
Emotional Overinvolvement

Enmeshed families tend to be emotionally intense and overly involved in each other’s lives. Family members may feel responsible for each other’s emotions and well-being, leading to a high level of emotional reactivity and dependency.

Poor Boundaries

As previously mentioned, boundaries between family members are often poorly defined or nonexistent in enmeshed families. This can manifest as intrusive behavior, a lack of privacy, and an inability to maintain healthy emotional distance.

Role Confusion

In part a consequence of poor boundaries, enmeshment can lead to role confusion within the family. That is, family members may take on roles that are not age-appropriate or appropriate to their individual personalities and needs. For example, a child may be expected to fulfill a parental role or provide emotional support to a parent.

​​Limited Conflict Resolution

Communication is one of the primary struggles of an enmeshed family (Kog et al., 1985). This difficulty with communication means that enmeshed families often struggle to effectively resolve conflicts. This is because conflicts can trigger intense emotional reactions and anxiety, making it difficult for family members to address issues directly and constructively.

​​Emotional Manipulation

The emotional connection between family members in an enmeshed family is, by definition, intense. This powerful emotional connection can be used as a tool for manipulation or control (Williams & Hiebert, 2001). Family members may use guilt, emotional blackmail, or other tactics to keep others emotionally close and maintain the status quo.

Enmeshment itself is considered by some to be a form of trauma (Gibson, 2020). That is, a parent’s projection of their values, hopes, and needs onto their child can cause lasting emotional damage.

In addition to the psychological harm being in an enmeshed relationship can cause, growing up in an enmeshed family can also be a risk factor for developing posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after experiencing a traumatic event (Karatzias et al., 2016). It is possible that it is the dysfunctional model of ourselves and the world that contributes to this relationship.​

Early in childhood we develop a system for understanding the world known as a schema. If we grow up in an enmeshed family, we are likely to develop a maladaptive schema. That is, we internalize the lack of autonomy and individuality and base our models of the world on this internalization. We then rely on the schemas we developed as children to help us cope with traumatic experiences. For example, if we developed a schema in which we see ourselves as capable and resilient, we might be better able to heal and grow in response to adverse events. On the other hand, if we grew up in an enmeshed family and developed a schema in which we are fragile and vulnerable, we do not have the necessary cognitive tools to help us cope and thus are more likely to develop PTSD (Price, 2007).

Enmeshment is a phenomenon that can occur in many types of relationships including romantic relationships (Frost & Forrester, 2013). The basis of enmeshment is the same regardless of the type of relationship. That is, just as in the context of a family, enmeshment in romantic relationships refers to a pattern of behavior where the boundaries between two individuals become blurred or nonexistent.

The consequences of an enmeshed romantic relationship are similar to those of an enmeshed family but may manifest slightly differently. Here are a few examples of how enmeshment affects individuals in a romantic partnership.

​Loss of Individual Identity

Enmeshed couples may struggle to maintain a clear sense of their individual identities. They might become so wrapped up in the relationship that they lose touch with their own interests, personal goals, and boundaries.

Constant Togetherness

​Enmeshed couples often spend an excessive amount of time together. They may have difficulty being apart and feel anxious or distressed when separated, even for short periods.

Emotional Dependency

One or both partners in an enmeshed relationship may become emotionally dependent on the other. They may rely on their partner to meet all their emotional needs and may have difficulty coping with stress or emotional challenges independently.

​Lack of Autonomy

Enmeshed couples may struggle to make decisions independently. They might consult each other on even minor decisions, feeling unable to take action without the other’s input.

Shared Identity

Partners in an enmeshed relationship may develop a shared identity to the point where they refer to themselves as “we” rather than “I” or “you.” This can indicate a merging of individual identities into a single unit.

Conflict Avoidance

Enmeshed couples may avoid conflict at all costs, fearing that disagreements could threaten the stability of the relationship. As a result, important issues may go unaddressed, leading to simmering resentment.

Emotional Intensity

Enmeshed relationships are often marked by intense emotional interactions. Partners may have difficulty regulating their emotions and may experience extreme highs and lows within the relationship.

​Difficulty Ending the Relationship

Enmeshed couples may find it incredibly challenging to end the relationship, even if it has become unhealthy or toxic. The fear of losing their sense of identity and the emotional support they get from the relationship can make it difficult to break free.​

Because enmeshment is thought to be the product of a maladaptive belief system, one of the most important things we can do to overcome enmeshment is to challenge the core beliefs that are the foundation of enmeshment (Williams & Hiebert, 2001).

For example, many people who experience enmeshed relationships feel that they are incapable of functioning independently. Challenging this idea by acting autonomously and proving to themselves that they are in fact capable of making appropriate decisions on their own helps to dismantle the belief system that constrains them to enmeshed relationships.​

Managing guilt is also an important process in overcoming enmeshment (Williams & Hiebert, 2001). In enmeshed relationships—particularly relationships between a parent and child—guilt is commonly used as a tool of control and can make changing the structure of the relationship feel like a betrayal or an abandonment.

​Want to learn more? Check out these articles:

• Love Bombing: Definition, Examples, & Psychology
• Codependency: Definition, Examples, Symptoms, & Recovery
• Boundaries In Relationships: Definition, Benefits, & Examples
• ​Dysfunctional Families: Types, Signs, & Systems
• ​​Family Counseling: Definition, Benefits, & Theories​​​​​​​​​​​​​

• Bacon, I., & Conway, J. (2022). Co-dependency and Enmeshment—a Fusion of Concepts. International Journal of Mental Health and Addiction, 1–10.
• Barber, B. K., & Buehler, C. (1996). Family cohesion and enmeshment: Different constructs, different effects. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 433–441.
• Frost, D. M., & Forrester, C. (2013). Closeness discrepancies in romantic relationships: Implications for relational well-being, stability, and mental health. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 39(4), 456–469.
• Gibson, T. (2020). Attachment theory: A guide to strengthening the relationships in your life. Rockridge Press.
• Karatzias, T., Jowett, S., Begley, A., & Deas, S. (2016). Early maladaptive schemas in adult survivors of interpersonal trauma: foundations for a cognitive theory of psychopathology. European Journal of Psychotraumatology, 7(1), 30713.
• Kog, E., Vandereycken, W., & Vertommen, H. (1985). The psychosomatic family model. A critical analysis of family interaction concepts. Journal of Family Therapy, 7(1), 31–44.
• Minuchin, S. (1974). Families and family therapy. Harvard University Press.
• Minuchin, S., Baker, L., Rosman, B. L., Liebman, R., Milman, L., & Todd, T. C. (1975). A conceptual model of psychosomatic illness in children: Family organization and family therapy. Archives of General Psychiatry, 32(8), 1031–1038.
• Price, J. P. (2007). Cognitive schemas, defence mechanisms and post-traumatic stress symptomatology. Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice, 80(3), 343–353.
• Szcześniak, M., & Tułecka, M. (2020). Family functioning and life satisfaction: The mediatory role of emotional intelligence. Psychology Research and Behavior Management, 223–232.
• Tawwab, N. G. (2021). Set boundaries, find peace: A guide to reclaiming yourself. Penguin.
• Watson, W. H. (2012). Family systems.
• Williams, L. M., & Hiebert, W. J. (2001). Challenging the belief system behind enmeshment. Journal of Clinical Activities, Assignments & Handouts in Psychotherapy Practice, 1(2), 17–28.