Definition, Signs, and Tips for Building Yours

From a young age, I was always the ‘quiet one’. In school, there was nothing that scared me more than giving presentations. The idea of standing up in front of all my peers and having all their eyes on me was enough to make me cry. I was told to just ‘be confident’, ‘believe in yourself’, or ‘don’t worry about what other people think’. Easier said than done, right? 

Self-esteem represents the foundation that supports the relationship you have with yourself. It carries over into every aspect of life. If you’re reading this, you probably value this relationship and may want to build your self-esteem. By the end of this article, you should have a better understanding of self-esteem and ways to improve it.

Let’s start with a simple definition. Most psychological theories agree that self-esteem refers to your evaluation of yourself (Mruk, 1995). Self-esteem can also be thought of as how much you like, approve of, or value yourself. 

In general, most people want to see themselves in a positive light and are usually motivated to achieve (or maintain) high levels of self-esteem. 

Self-esteem can be applied to you globally (e.g., “On the whole, I am satisfied with myself”; Rosenberg et al., 1995) or to specific domains of your life (e.g., “I am good at my job and I’m proud of that”). 

Some psychologists consider self-esteem as an enduring personality trait (i.e., trait self-esteem). Research shows that although self-esteem is relatively stable over one’s life, it is by no means fixed or unchangeable (Orth & Robins, 2014). 
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Like many psychological concepts, there can also be short-term fluctuations in your self-esteem (i.e., state self-esteem), where you have lower or higher self-esteem (compared to your baseline) for a period of time.

There are many psychological terms that describe some aspect of the self, with self-esteem being one of them. You may have heard of the term “self-concept” before. Self-esteem may be a part of self-concept, but they are distinct terms.
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Self-concept is the answer to the question, “Who am I?”. It is the perception you have of yourself and includes knowledge about your hobbies, skills, habits, weaknesses, and preferences. Carl Rogers, one of the leaders of humanistic psychology, suggested that self-esteem is one of the main components of self-concept (McLeod, 2008).

Having low self-esteem corresponds to negative evaluations of yourself. Put differently, if you have low self-esteem, you generally don’t hold yourself in a positive light.

You tend to be more critical of yourself and the people in your life. You might get stuck in loops of negative self-talk, telling yourself things like, “I’m worthless”, “I could never succeed at this”, or “I’m not smart enough”. This can bring up feelings of anxiety, sadness, or hopelessness.

Self-esteem develops over your lifespan. It is thought that the beliefs you hold about yourself play a role in developing low self-esteem. The stronger the beliefs, the harder it may be to break the negative thought patterns that are associated with low self-esteem.

See below for a few examples of these beliefs.

• Worthlessness: “I’m worthless”
• Inadequacy: “I am not good enough”
• Pessimism: “I don’t have a bright future”
• Failure: “I fail at everything I do” 
• Negative traits: “I am boring”, “I am ugly”

How can you tell if you or your loved ones have low self-esteem? Here are a few signs.
This person:

• Tends to be self-critical
• Is sensitive to criticism from others
• Focuses on failures
• Socially withdraws
• Is pessimistic

​In one study, school counselors were asked to list five characteristics that best describe students with low self-esteem (Guindon, 2002). These were the most commonly listed words:

1. Withdrawn/shy/quiet
2. Insecure
3. Underachieving
4. Negative (attitude)
5. Unhappy
6. Socially inept
7. Angry/hostile
8. Unmotivated
9. Depressed
10. Dependent/follower
11. Poor self-image
12. Non-risk-taker
13. Lacks self-confidence
14. Poor communication skills
15. Acts out

These are just some reasons why improving self-esteem is so important. 

Although there are a variety of factors that play a role in self-esteem across the lifespan, here are a few factors that may make it more likely for someone to develop low self-esteem:
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1. Early childhood experiences: Experiences of abuse, neglect, or bullying at a young age powerfully shape self-esteem. Children who go through these traumatic experiences can form the belief that they are a bad person who deserved this treatment. 
2. Expectations of others: If you feel that you failed to meet the expectations of others (e.g., parents’ standards), this can maintain the belief that you are a failure. It’s important to remember that these expectations may not have been realistic in the first place. 
3. Peer groups: During adolescent years, the pressure to fit in is enormously high. Since this is a time where your identity is forming, not fitting in or feeling left out can impact self-esteem. 
4. Lack of warmth or love: Although negative traumatic experiences play a large role in low self-esteem, it is possible that not having positive experiences can also play a role. If you don’t receive affection or encouragement, especially at a young age, it is possible to form the belief that you’re not good enough. ​

It seems like low self-esteem is a cycle that perpetuates itself. What exactly keeps this cycle going? A psychologist by the name of Melanie Fennell came out with a model of low self-esteem that states that people with low self-esteem form negative beliefs about themselves. She calls this the “bottom line” (Fennell, 1997).

Your bottom line is a negative way in which you would describe yourself (e.g., ‘I’m worthless’). You may not always be conscious of it, but you can become aware of it in certain situations. When this happens, Fennell suggests that you’re more likely to use these safety strategies:
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• Inflexible rules: You set rigid rules to protect yourself from your fears (e.g., not going to a party because of your bottom line, ‘I am no fun to be around’).
• Negative self-talk: You talk to yourself in an overly critical way and focus on your weaknesses.
• Anxious predictions: You become paralyzed by anxiety because you feel “less than” or incompetent. This may cause you to ruminate about possible worst-case scenarios

Although these strategies may help you feel better and ‘safe’, it only maintains the cycle: fearful situation → bottom line is made salient → reinforcing bottom line with strategies → no change in your self-esteem.

Society constantly tells you that high self-esteem is necessary for productivity and happiness. If you hold yourself in a positive light, you are less likely to be depressed (Tennen & Affleck, 1993) and neurotic (Robins, Hendin, & Trzesniewski, 2001), and more likely to persist at difficult tasks (Shraugher & Rosenberg, 1970).

Nevertheless, high self-esteem, just like low self-esteem, can be harmful. An optimal level of self-esteem may lie somewhere in-between low and high. 

There are two types of high self-esteem individuals: secure and defensive. 

On the one hand, secure individuals with high self-esteem and don’t need reassurance from others. 

On the other hand, defensive individuals with high self-esteem have a fragile self-view and are still vulnerable to criticism, to which they may react defensively. These defensive individuals are “compulsively confident, boastful, aggressive, defensive self-esteem” (Harder, 1984, p. 33).

Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale
Morris Rosenberg and other researchers (Rosenberg et al., 1995) developed a scale to assess overall self-esteem, which they define as an individual’s positive and negative attitude toward the self as a whole.

The developed scale measures self-esteem by asking people to report how much they agree or disagree with each item. The self-report scale includes items like:

• “I feel that I am a person of worth, at least on an equal plane with others.”
• “I am able to do things as well as most other people.”
• “I wish I could have more respect for myself” (reverse-scored).

If you are interested in the full scale, you can access it here.

Six Pillars of Self-Esteem
Dr. Nathaniel Branden, a psychologist known as the ‘father’ of the Self-Esteem movement, described self-esteem as being made up of two main components (Branden, 1995):

• Self-efficacy: Being confident in your abilities to handle challenges in life
• Self-respect: Believing that you deserve the best in life (e.g., happiness, success, love)

He wrote a book named “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” (Branden, 1995). In this book, he describes six pillars that can impact someone’s self-esteem, briefly described below.

1. The Practice of Living Consciously

• Self-esteem is rooted in your ability to live consciously and focus on what is happening in the current moment, without ruminating on the past or overthinking the future. 

2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance
3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility

• When you practice self-responsibility, you recognize that you are in charge of your choices and behaviors. Because of this, you can’t blame others for your own choices and can’t expect others to make choices for you. At the end of the day, you are in charge.

4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness

• It is important to honor your needs in an appropriate way by practicing assertive communication​. It’s okay to put yourself first and let this be known to people in your life. 

5. The Practice of Living Purposefully

• Having a sense of purpose is the antidote to feeling worthless. When you live purposefully, you have goals that you want to achieve and make a plan to do this. You live life with these goals in mind.

6. The Practice of Personal Integrity

• The last pillar of self-esteem focuses on your moral compass. When you lead a life with personal integrity, you act in line with your values and live an authentic life. ​

Self-Esteem Journal Prompts
Never underestimate the power of journaling. It can promote positive self-reflection, which can help improve your self-esteem. Below you will find different categories of journal prompts that can help promote self-esteem:

Gratitude

• What are 3 things I am grateful for today?
• Who am I grateful for in my life? Why?
• What was the best thing that happened today?

Challenging Negative Self-Talk

• Is there evidence for my negative thoughts?
• Is there evidence against my thought?
• If a friend was thinking this about themselves, what would you tell them?
• Will this matter a year from now?

​Self-Love

• I love who I am because…
• I really admire myself for…
• I feel good about my…
• I feel proud of myself when…

Still want to learn more about growing your self-esteem. Here are some more related articles to read. 

If you have low self-esteem, I know it may be hard to believe that journal prompts or worksheets will help. I’ve been there. I used to constantly criticize myself, have self-doubts, be self-deprecating, and care too much about what other people thought.

Although I may still have days like that, they are much less frequent than before. It is possible to improve. You can get there, one day at a time. 

• ​Branden, N. (1995). The six pillars of self-esteem. Bantam Doubleday.
• Fennell, M. J. (1997). Low self-esteem: A cognitive perspective. Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy, 25(1), 1-26.
• Guindon, M. H. (2002). Toward Accountability in the Use of the Self‐Esteem Construct. Journal of Counseling & Development, 80(2), 204-214.
• Harder, D. W. (1984). Character style of the defensively high self‐esteem man. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 40(1), 26-35.
• McLeod, S. A. (2008). Self Concept.
• Mruk, C. (1995). Self-Esteem: Research, Theory, and Practice. Springer.
• Orth, U., & Robins, R. W. (2014). The development of self-esteem. Current directions in psychological science, 23(5), 381-387.
• Robins, R. W., Hendin, H. M., & Trzesniewski, K. H. (2001). Measuring global self-esteem: Construct validation of a single-item measure and the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27(2), 151-161.
• Rosenberg, M., Schooler, C., Schoenbach, C., & Rosenberg, F. (1995). Global self-esteem and specific self-esteem: Different concepts, different outcomes. American Sociological Review, 141-156.
• Shrauger, J. S., & Rosenberg, S. E. (1970). Self‐esteem and the effects of success and failure feedback on performance. Journal of Personality, 38(3), 404-417.
• Tennen, H., & Affleck, G. (1993). The puzzles of self-esteem: A clinical perspective. In Self-Esteem (pp. 241-262). Springer.