Embarrassment: Meaning, Examples, & Psychology

And, more importantly, how do we deal with it? In this article, we’ll explore what causes embarrassment, discuss the psychology behind this emotion, and offer some suggestions for softening its effects.

Embarrassment is an emotional state characterized by feelings of discomfort, self-consciousness, and awkwardness resulting from a perceived misstep or mistake, or from unwanted exposure of sensitive or private information about yourself. It typically arises when an individual believes that their actions, appearance, or behavior have fallen short of societal norms, expectations, or personal standards, leading to a sense of humiliation. 

Embarrassment is a universal emotion, experienced by people of all ages and in all cultures. And, as most of us have experienced, it can range in intensity from mild to severe.

The opposite of embarrassment is self-confidence or self-assurance. It’s a state of mind that’s characterized by a sense of poise, composure, and a lack of self-consciousness. When someone is confident, they feel secure in themselves and their abilities and aren’t easily flustered or humiliated in social situations. 

By contrast, embarrassment indicates a focus on how you’re appearing to others and a perception that you’re being judged poorly. Also, embarrassment often goes along with feelings of worthlessness. But when you’re confident, your sense of self-worth is not easily shaken, even when you make a mistake.

Although embarrassment is emotionally painful, it does serve important social and psychological functions. 
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• Social function: The desire to avoid embarrassment inhibits us from acting in ways that violate social norms and morality. Embarrassment shows we care about what others think, prompting us to behave in a way that promotes bonding with others (Nikolić et al., 2020). 
• Communication: Embarrassment is typically accompanied by outward behaviors such as blushing, fidgeting, and avoiding eye contact. This nonverbal communication signals to others that we regret our actions and that our behavior wasn’t intentional (Robbins & Parlavecchio, 2006).
• Avoiding conflict: Signaling that our behavior wasn’t intentional or that we feel regretful helps us to avoid conflict with others.
• Self-reflection and learning: Because embarrassment is unpleasant (to say the least), it teaches us to avoid the behavior that triggered it and to learn from our mistakes. It prompts us to consider how we might do things differently in the future. 
• Promoting accountability: When we feel embarrassed about something we’ve done, it prompts us to take responsibility for our actions and to make amends.
• Improving cooperation: Not wanting to feel embarrassed keeps us from behaving solely out of self-interest. Most of us don’t want to be viewed as that selfish person who doesn’t care about others.
• Empathy: Have you ever felt embarrassed for someone else? In this way, embarrassment fosters empathy, leading to more pro-social behavior. 
• Social bonding: Expressing embarrassment can create a sense of vulnerability and openness, which can strengthen social bonds. When we share embarrassing experiences with others, it can foster a sense of camaraderie and trust, as it demonstrates a willingness to be authentic and reveal our shortcomings.

This sounds like a scene out of a cheesy movie. 

When I was working at a restaurant years ago, one of my coworkers spilled a rather large amount of red wine on a customer. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he was wearing—you guessed it—an expensive all-white suit. Talk about embarrassing! 

Here are some other common examples:
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• Tripping or falling in front of a group of people.
• Forgetting someone’s name that you should know.
• Mispronouncing or misusing a word—believing that you looked stupid.
• Answering incorrectly in a classroom setting—again, believing you looked stupid. 
• Being caught in a lie or an awkward situation.
• Being caught daydreaming or not paying attention.
• Making bodily noises in public—burps, loud sneezes, gas.
• Unintentionally saying something inappropriate or offensive.
• Having your phone ring loudly in a quiet meeting.
• Sending a text or email to the wrong person, especially if it has sensitive or personal information.
• Experiencing a wardrobe malfunction such as a zipper down or a button popping open. (Anyone remember the Janet Jackson Superbowl incident in 2004? Imagine 90 million people watching!)

Embarrassment is considered a self-conscious emotion, along with shame, guilt, and pride. You’re very aware of what others may think of you. Because of the self-conscious element, it requires more mental processing than more basic emotions like anger or fear and thus is considered more complex. You have to put yourself into the mind of another (Weir, 2012).

The presence of others has a huge effect on our psychology and our emotional reactions to our own behavior. Studies suggest that most of us are motivated to maintain a positive social image whenever we act in public and feel extreme discomfort if our social integrity is threatened (Müller-Pinzler, 2015). An interesting example of adhering to social norms can be seen in a nudist camp. In this situation, people may find it more embarrassing to keep their clothes on (Edelmann, 1981). 

Another interesting aspect of embarrassment is that we can feel embarrassed for others. For example, have you ever felt embarrassed for a comedian or musician who gives a particularly poor performance? This is likely due to our capacity for empathy. Our brains are wired to internally simulate others’ experiences. So when we see someone in a potentially embarrassing situation, the ability to understand and share their feelings automatically kicks in.

Although embarrassment is seen in people of all ages past the age of two, the situations that trigger it change over your lifetime. As you mature and grow into adulthood, your sense of social norms changes along with what you find embarrassing (Kill & Toprakbasti, 2021).  For example, like most teens, I was extremely embarrassed when my mother did something I found inappropriate or uncool. As an adult, I began to see it more like, “Well, that’s her; it’s no reflection on me.”

As you age, what you find embarrassing may change as well. One study suggests that older adults are less likely to find situations or our behavior embarrassing (Henry et al., 2018). I think this is because most of us feel more confident and secure in ourselves later in life. One good thing about getting older! 

Just as embarrassment is experienced by all age groups, it also occurs across cultures. But again, what triggers it can vary. For example, in some cultures, it’s perfectly acceptable to speak loudly, so someone who grew up in a culture where this is the norm will not feel embarrassed doing so. But someone from a culture where speaking loudly is frowned upon will find this behavior embarrassing. 

Symptoms of embarrassment vary from person to person, but these are some of the most common:
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• Increased heart rate and blood pressure: Along with emotions like fear and anger, embarrassment activates the sympathetic nervous system (the “fight or flight” response), triggering an increased heart rate and blood pressure. However, during embarrassment, after the initial spike the heart rate slows while blood pressure continues to rise. This is considered a unique characteristic of embarrassment (Weir, 2012).
• Blushing: One of the most visible signs of embarrassment, blushing is due to increased blood flow to the face. But this doesn’t happen to everyone, and some of us are more prone to blushing than others. Research suggests blushing is a physiological response to unwanted exposure (Robbins & Parlavecchio, 2006).
• Feeling hot or flushed and sweating: This may accompany blushing as the blood rushing to your face makes you feel warm. 
• Loss of confidence: Embarrassment can erode self-confidence, causing us to feel insecure or inadequate.
• Verbal stumbling: This is caused by self-consciousness and the reduced confidence that comes with embarrassment. The heightened self-monitoring can create a self-imposed pressure to speak flawlessly, which ironically can lead to more stumbling.
• Withdrawal: Embarrassment can cause us to become quiet and attempt to escape from the situation.

• Avoiding eye contact: Charles Darwin was the first to note that when we’re embarrassed we gaze downward (Edelmann, 1981). This may be a coping mechanism that helps us avoid the feeling of being judged.
• Fidgeting: This can include shuffling your feet, touching your hair or face, or fidgeting with objects. This can help to dissipate the nervous energy that comes with embarrassment.
• Smiling and nervous laughter: This is likely a defense mechanism due to feeling uncomfortable. It’s an attempt to take the edge off.
• Apologizing: Not really body language, but this is a common behavior that comes with embarrassment. ​

These two words are sometimes used interchangeably, with shame being considered a more intense version of embarrassment. Both are self-conscious emotions, indicating a focus on yourself and others’ perceptions of you (Robbins & Parlavecchio, 2006). However, studies show that they are distinctive emotions (Tangney et al., 1996; Edelman, 1981). 
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• Private vs. public: This is probably the most distinctive difference. Shame can happen without the presence of others while embarrassment can’t. Shame can occur even if nobody else knows about your behavior, but embarrassment is a reaction to feeling judged by others. If you feel embarrassed when alone, it’s usually because of an especially vivid memory where you imagine others judging you. 
• Morality: With embarrassment, we’re typically upset about the public image we presented. It may involve feeling foolish or silly, and we’re often able to find humor in it. But shame usually involves a feeling that we’ve done something immoral or that we have a personal defect, and we don’t see anything funny about it (Edelman, 1981; Weir, 2012). 
• Length and intensity: Shame is intense and long-lasting and involves a negative evaluation of yourself as a whole. By contrast, embarrassment usually (but not always) passes more quickly and is more situational. 
• Behavior: Shame doesn’t involve the behaviors associated with embarrassment like blushing or nervous laughter. 
• One similarity—it’s probably not as bad as you think: On a positive note, in the case of both shame and guilt, studies show that we evaluate ourselves more harshly than others do. We tend to believe we’ve made a worse impression or committed a worse moral transgression than we actually have. So we’re harder on ourselves than we should be (Tangney et al., 1996). Reminding yourself of this fact can help mitigate the effects of embarrassment. I find this helpful because I’m definitely my own worst critic! ​

As mentioned above, blushing is a common, but not universal, response to embarrassment. It’s an involuntary reaction to embarrassment triggered by the nervous system. The red color is caused by the veins in the face dilating (becoming larger) and increasing blood flow to the face.
 
While the awareness that you’re blushing may increase your level of embarrassment, it serves a purpose. When other people see you blushing, it shows them you genuinely regret something you’ve done, so they’re more likely to feel empathy or forgive you. It serves as a nonverbal apology and can even make you seem more likable.
 
But on the downside, blushing can contribute to the development of SAD (Nikolić et al., 2020).  People with SAD report that they blush frequently and worry about blushing in social situations. Sometimes people who blush easily find it so disconcerting that they avoid social situations to the point that it can interfere with everyday functioning (aan het Rot et al., 2015).

If this is you, here are some things that can help. In fact, many of these can help quell embarrassment in general:
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• Relaxation techniques: Practicing deep breathing exercises or mindfulness meditation can help you remain calm and reduce the physiological response that triggers blushing.
• Positive self-talk: Remind yourself that blushing is a natural reaction and that everyone experiences embarrassment from time to time. Being kind and understanding toward yourself can help reduce self-consciousness.
• Exposure therapy: Gradual exposure to situations that trigger embarrassment can help desensitize your body’s response over time, leading to reduced blushing.
• Visualizations: Imagine yourself in embarrassing situations while remaining calm and composed. This mental rehearsal can help train your mind to respond differently in real-life situations.
• Focusing on others: When feeling embarrassed, shift your focus from yourself to others in the room. Engage in active listening and show genuine interest in what they are saying. This can help divert attention away from yourself.
• Humor: Learn to laugh at yourself and embrace your imperfections. A good sense of humor can help diffuse embarrassing situations and make them less intense.
• Distracting yourself: Engage in mental or physical activities that can divert your focus from the situation, reducing the intensity of your embarrassment.
• Cooling down: If you feel a blush coming on, try to cool down your face by gently fanning yourself or applying a cold compress to your cheeks.
• Professional help: If blushing due to embarrassment significantly affects your daily life or causes severe distress, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in anxiety or social discomfort.

• “If embarrassment were a muscle, I’d be huge.” — Brent Weeks
• “How embarrassing to be human.” —  Kurt Vonnegut
• “Embarrassment is like a garment we all wear from time to time, but it doesn’t define who we are.” — Cynthia Lewis
• “The only thing worse than being embarrassed is being embarrassed about being embarrassed.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana
• “Embarrassment is the echo of our imperfections.” — Unknown
• “The most profound lessons often come from moments of embarrassment and vulnerability.” — Brene Brown

As human beings, embarrassment is part of our nature, occurring across cultures and ages. It’s a tough emotion that’s easily triggered and difficult to control.  

But there are ways to soften its effects. First, remember it’s something we all experience.  Second, remember it’s probably not as bad as you think. Science shows that we judge ourselves more harshly than anyone else. (Nobody’s focusing on you that much.) Also, try not to dwell on it. Do something you enjoy or feel skilled at. I also find meditation can help quiet those recurring thoughts, the ones that keep replaying the incident. 
 
Most importantly, look at embarrassment as a reason to self-reflect and learn instead of letting it define you. Don’t let an embarrassing moment overshadow your positive experiences and accomplishments.

• aan het Rot, M., Moskowitz, D. S., & De Jong, P. J. (2015). Intrapersonal and interpersonal concomitants of facial blushing during everyday social encounters. PLOS One, 10(2), e0118243.
• Bas-Hoogendam, J. M., van Steenbergen, H., van der Wee, N. J., & Westenberg, P. M. (2018). Not intended, still embarrassed: Social anxiety is related to increased levels of embarrassment in response to unintentional social norm violations. European Psychiatry, 52, 15–21.
• Edelmann, R. J. (1981). Embarrassment: The state of research. Current Psychological Reviews, 1(2), 125–137.
• Henry, J. D., von Hippel, W., Nangle, M. R., & Waters, M. (2018). Age and the experience of strong self-conscious emotion. Aging & Mental Health, 22(4), 497–502.
• Kill, C., & Toprakbasti, Z. (2021, December 31). That’s cringe: The neuroscience behind embarrassment. Grey Matters. https://greymattersjournal.org/thats-cringe-the-neuroscience-behind-embarassment/ 
• Müller-Pinzler, L., Gazzola, V., Keysers, C., Sommer, J., Jansen, A., Frässle, S., . . . & Krach, S. (2015). Neural pathways of embarrassment and their modulation by social anxiety. NeuroImage, 119, 252–261.
• Nikolić, M., Majdandžić, M., Colonnesi, C., de Vente, W., Möller, E., & Bögels, S. (2020). The unique contribution of blushing to the development of social anxiety disorder symptoms: results from a longitudinal study. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 61(12), 1339–1348.
• Robbins, B. D., & Parlavecchio, H. (2006). The unwanted exposure of the self: A phenomenological study of embarrassment. The Humanistic Psychologist, 34(4), 321–345.
• Sturm, V. E., Sollberger, M., Seeley, W. W., Rankin, K. P., Ascher, E. A., Rosen, H. J., . . . & Levenson, R. W. (2013). Role of right pregenual anterior cingulate cortex in self-conscious emotional reactivity. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 8(4), 468–474.
• Tangney, J. P., Miller, R. S., Flicker, L., & Barlow, D. H. (1996). Are shame, guilt, and embarrassment distinct emotions? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70(6), 1256.
• Weir, K. (2012, November 1). A complex emotion. Monitor on Psychology, 43(10). https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/11/emotion 
• Withers, L.A. (2016). Embarrassment. In: Zeigler-Hill, V., Shackelford, T. (Eds.), Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-28099-8_506-1