Gratitude Practices: Types, Examples, & Benefits

Gratitude practices include a variety of activities that help you develop your gratitude skills. These practices might involve setting aside a few minutes per day for a specific activity or developing a gratitude habit that can be done in the course of your daily life.

Although research has shown that a variety of gratitude practices can, and do, improve people’s lives (e.g., Caputo, 2015), gratitude (as well as other positive psychology skills like kindness, optimism, etc…) is rarely discussed in terms of human development. In other words, nobody is talking about how gratitude is practiced, experienced, or expressed differently as we develop, mature, and grow up. So, in this article, I’d like to take a first stab at organizing gratitude practices in such a way that people can more easily find which gratitude practices work for them and extend their practice to be more impactful over time. 

Life stages—or developmental stages—represent the different perspectives we shift in and out of as we go through life. Each stage has a dominating worldview or perspective (Wilber, 2007). This dominating perspective affects how we view every single thing in our lives, including gratitude. In other words, we define gratitude differently at the different stages of development. So the gratitude practices we use need to reflect the way we see the world. Otherwise, the word “gratitude” may mean apples to one person and “oranges” to another person. 

Here is a little overview of the developmental stages that we’ll be relying on for the rest of this article:

I believe that most existing gratitude practices are written at the skill-centric level (yellow stage). Given approximately 21-48% of adults are in the skill-centric stage (Cook-Grueter, 2014), this approach does make some sense and can reach a large majority of people. But what about people at other stages? It seems that the earlier stages might benefit even more from gratitude practices because generally their lives are harder and their well-being lower. 

And what about people at later stages? How can gratitude be practiced later on in development? In the next section, I’ll aim to briefly describe each stage and offer a gratitude practice for people to use at each stage of development.

Can Gratitude Practices Help Us Transcend Stages?
Just like age, we all start at 0 when it comes to life stages. And we can’t skip from 0 to 5 or 50. We have to go through every stage (because every stage builds on the previous one) to get to the higher stages (Wilber, 2007). 

The speed at which we move through the stages varies from person to person and seems to depend on our ability to overcome the unique challenges of a given stage (O’Fallon, 2010). Given gratitude has been shown to have many positive effects on our well-being, it seems possible that it may help us overcome (or better manage) our life challenges, and potentially support us in moving to later stages of development (of course, I’m sure many other practices and skills help us as well).

At the red stage, our dominating perspective is self-focused or body-focused. We feel that if we can just meet our own immediate needs​, we’ll be happy. We haven’t yet developed empathy or the ability to see others’ needs. Approximately 5% of the adult population is in this stage (Cook-Grueter, 2014). Practicing gratitude at this stage might involve bringing attention to how others help us meet our needs. 

Red Stage Gratitude Practice Example

Exercise: Getting Started with Gratitude
Review the following list of gratitude expressions. Which methods do you like the most? Go through the list and take note of any method that makes you feel good.  
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• Saying “Thank You”.
• Sending a thank-you note or card.
• Verbal appreciation, like saying “I really appreciate what you’ve done for me” or “I’m so grateful for your help.”
• Giving someone a gift.
• Doing something kind or helpful in return for what someone has done for you.
• Complimenting someone on their actions, skills, or qualities. For example, saying something like, “You help me so much.”
• Acknowledging someone’s positive qualities. For example, telling someone that you enjoy spending time with them.
• Depending on your relationship with the person, a warm hug or a simple physical gesture like a handshake or a pat on the back can convey your gratitude.

Pick 3 of these gratitude practices to try in your daily life.

At the orange stage, our dominating perspective is personality-focused or peer group-focused. We feel that if we are completely accepted by our small group (family, social group, religion, race, political group, etc…), we’ll be happy. Approximately 10% of the adult population is in this stage (Cook-Grueter, 2014). Practicing gratitude at this stage might involve increasing self-acceptance and being grateful for our characteristics regardless of whether or not they are consistent with the group. 

Orange Stage Gratitude Practice Example

Exercise: Self-Gratitude
Many of us have been taught to value only certain parts of ourselves, usually the parts that are valued by our family, social group, or society. But our unique qualities are also valuable. 
For this exercise, start by listing 3 things about yourself that you’re grateful for. These can be things that make you, your family, or your social group proud. For example, maybe you are loyal, caring, or a good leader. Write these characteristics down now.

Next, try to think of 3 more things about yourself that you’re grateful for that are different from your family or social group. For example, maybe you’re grateful that you can paint, or are interested in cars, even though other people around you do not have these positive qualities​. Write these characteristics down now.

In the future, when you are practicing self-gratitude, try to remember to focus on the positive ways that you are both similar and different from others.

At the green stage, our dominating perspective is outcome-focused or achievement-focused. We feel that if we can just achieve the right things, we’ll be happy. Approximately 30% of the adult population is in this stage (Cook-Grueter, 2014). Practicing gratitude at this stage might involve improving personal outcomes and experiences of connection using gratitude. 

Green Stage Gratitude Practice Example​

Exercise: Finding Gratitude
Can you think of a relationship that you’d like to improve? For instance, it could be a friendship with someone you care about but have started to feel estranged from over time. Or maybe, you wish you were on better terms with your in-laws or your sister. In this exercise, you will get to take the first step towards mending and strengthening that bond using gratitude. 

• Start by thinking about the relationship you want to improve. Instead of thinking about the negatives that weakened this relationship, try to focus on the connection between you and the other person and why this person is important to you. 

 

• Next, think about why you are grateful that this person is in your life. Take as much time as you need to remember specific ways this person contributed to your life. Did they extend a hand to you when you needed help? Did they provide a shoulder to lean on? Did they make you laugh? Did they make you feel beautiful or intelligent? Did they share their delicious meals with the homeless? Did they give someone good advice?

 

• Now, write everything you came up with that makes you feel grateful for this person. At this step, you may already be thinking differently about this relationship than when you started the exercise. Hold on to this feeling and the gratitude you found. 

 

• Keep your list handy and read it before your next interaction. If you don’t have any plans to interact with this person, consider reaching out to them. 

Sometimes, we forget the positives in our relationships and let our bonds erode. This exercise can help you remember those ignored or long-forgotten positives to help you find gratitude in your relationships.

At the teal stage, our dominating perspective is mind-focused or understanding-focused. We feel that if we can just understand ourselves and others, we’ll be happy. Approximately 11% of the adult population is in this stage (Cook-Grueter, 2014). Practicing gratitude at this stage might involve deepening our understanding of what gratitude is and how it affects our reality. 

Teal Stage Gratitude Practice Example​

Exercise: Extending Gratitude
Here’s a simple yet effective way to extend your gratitude practice:

1. Write down three things you’re grateful for today.
2. Next, explore why each one brings you joy. This involves looking backwards in time to see what caused your gratitude.
3. Now, reflect on how these 3 things enhance your life. This involves looking at the present and how these things are connected to other good things in your life. 
4. Lastly, explore how each thing may continue to improve your life. This involves looking forward in time to see how things may positively impact your future.

At the blue stage, our dominating perspective is pattern-focused or process-focused. We feel that if we can just see through and undo our negative patterns, we’ll be happy. Approximately 5% of the adult population is in this stage (Cook-Grueter, 2014). Practicing gratitude at this stage might involve exploring how gratitude integrates and overlaps with our other experiences. Gratitude is less like a separate practice and more like a formation, pattern, habit, or process. 

Blue Stage Gratitude Practice Example

Exercise: Gratitude Meditation
Start with a few deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Do your best to relax your body as you breathe. Let your shoulders fall away from your ears. Notice anywhere you are holding tension and try to release it with each breath.  

After you’ve taken a few breaths, choose 3 things in your life that you are grateful for. These could be big or small, recent or long-standing. Consider aspects such as your health, loved ones, a beautiful sunset, a delicious meal, or a recent act of kindness.

Spend a few moments getting to know each gratitude object more deeply. 

Ask yourself, 

1. What thoughts emerge when experiencing gratitude for this thing?
2. What sensations emerge in your body when experiencing gratitude for this thing?
3. What emotions emerge in your body when experiencing gratitude for this thing?
4. Do any sounds, smells, or tastes emerge when experiencing gratitude for this thing?

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Sit with your attention on these experiences to understand how gratitude manifests for you and to more fully embody your gratitude.

At the indigo stage, our dominating perspective is awareness-focused or consciousness-focused. We feel that if we can just transcend our ego, we’ll be happy. Approximately 1.5% of the adult population is in this stage (Cook-Grueter, 2014). Practicing gratitude at this stage might involve reworking our earlier definitions of gratitude and extending them so that gratitude can infiltrate everything in our experienced reality.

Indigo Stage Gratitude Practice Example

Exercise: Gratitude Inquiry
Begin this exercise by thinking about a few positive things you’re grateful for. For example, maybe you’re grateful for the smell of fresh cut grass, how you’re child’s eyes light up, or the tingling sensation of new love. 

Now shift your attention to some negative experiences such as getting in a fight with your significant other, failing to get a job you wanted, or feelings of anxiety. First, look at each negative experience until you find something in it to be truly grateful for. In other words, look for the silver linings. For example, maybe not getting the job you wanted left you available to get an even better job.

Now, look even deeper into these negative experiences. Focus on an aspect of the experience that feels bad, like how sad you were when you didn’t get the job. See if you can shift your attention to find things to be grateful for even within the worst parts of your worst experiences. If you practice this long enough, you’ll discover that there is no experience that gratitude can not be a part of. Gratitude can shine its light on everything.

• Caputo, A. (2015). The relationship between gratitude and loneliness: The potential benefits of gratitude for promoting social bonds. Europe’s journal of psychology, 11(2), 323.
  
• Cook-Greuter, S. (2014). Ego development: A full-spectrum theory of vertical growth and meaning making. mimeo, Wayland.
  
• O’Fallon, T. J. (2010). The Collapse of the Wilber Combs Matrix: The Interpenetration of the State and Structure Stages Terri J. O’Fallon Developmental Research Institute May 1, 2010.
  
• Pratt, M. (2023, November 15). The Science of Gratitude. Mindful. https://www.mindful.org/the-science-of-gratitude/ 
  
• Sansone, R. A., & Sansone, L. A. (2010). Gratitude and well being: the benefits of appreciation. Psychiatry (edgmont), 7(11), 18.
  
• ​Wilber, K. (2007). Integral spirituality: A startling new role for religion in the modern and postmodern world. Shambhala Publications.