How to Keep Romantic Comedies From Ruining Your Love Life

Once upon a time, my romantic expectations were extremely high. Why didn’t my partner give me flowers, write me songs, or buy me gifts?I asked myself. I was dissatisfied but also determined to solve the problem.

After spending the last year researching and writing my new book, Outsmart Your Smartphone: Mindful Tech Habits to Find Happiness, Balance, and Connection in Real LifeI realized that I expected these things because romantic comedies had taught me that these are the actions that show love. The romantic comedy had influenced my relationship without me even knowing it.
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Media-captured expectations form so slowly and at such a young age that they can be completely invisible to us. Because we’ve had these expectations for so long, we may have forgotten (or never knew) what it feels like to not have them.

So how do we meet these expectations without completely abandoning the idea of ​​romance? Believe it or not, research has revealed some findings that can help us feel happier and less injustice in love.

Romantic comedies are a genre that often feature over-the-top plots and unrealistic outcomes, like when he chases you through the airport to express his undying love, when he fills your room with more roses than you can count, or when she instantly falls in love with him – it’s love at first sight! In romantic comedies, relationships are full of romance, intimacy and passion, often combining the best aspects of new relationships and long-term commitments. We see a lot of compliments, gifts and affection initiated mainly by men. However, this is not an accurate representation of reality. healthy relationships are actually like that. Real relationships involve compromise, assumptionand honesty.

Although these idealized versions of romantic relationships may seem harmless, we often use information from the media to teach us what is normal and how we should behave. Older viewers are better at separating fact from fiction, but younger viewers who don’t have other experiences to support their beliefs can more easily incorporate these idealizations into their idea of ​​what a relationship should be like. And when we are exposed to the same storylines over and over again due to the constant stream of media that begins in childhood, we can begin to do this. I think our own reality is rather mediocre.

And that’s exactly what seems to be happening: Frequent viewers of romantic media content are less likely to believe that they can change themselves or their relationship, more likely that their partner intuitively understands their needs, and more likely that sex should be perfect. They also report lower relationship satisfaction.

It wasn’t until I really thought about my expectations and where they came from that I started to change everything. Do you think you too have developed unrealistic expectations? Here are some recalibration tips.

Take another look at your expectations. For each point, ask yourself: Does this really matter to me? For example, is it really important that your partner wears certain clothes, says certain things, or eats certain foods? Maybe you like trying new restaurants, which is why it is very important that you go to restaurants regularly. No need to judge yourself, everyone is different. Simply identify your truth and cross out the rest.
This exercise made me realize that I actually don’t like cut flowers (because they die). I don’t really like being serenaded (because I’m shy) and I don’t like material gifts (because I prefer that). Spend money on experiences). It helped me let go of a few items on my list.

As I began to separate my needs from the expectations the media had placed on me, I slowly but surely began to free myself from the romantic comedy trap. By discovery what creates happiness I’ve been able to focus and experience a lot more of what truly makes me happy in my relationship – things like seeing the love in his eyes when he looks at me, getting extra hugs when I’m sad, and creating experiences that I’ll remember for the rest of my life.
No relationship is perfect, but resisting the influence of romantic comedies has allowed me to create happier times and enjoy my relationship much more. It worked because happiness comes from discovering what makes you happy, not what the media or anyone else says should make you happy.