Permissive Parenting: Definition, Examples & Characteristics​

Psychologist Diana Baumrind, in a series of classic articles, described her painstaking research that identified three primary parenting styles: permissive, authoritarian, and authoritative (Baumrind, 1966). Authoritarian parents use lots of control and not too much warmth in parenting; they give orders and expect them to be fulfilled. Authoritative parents provide lots of structure but are also more warm and loving with their children. Finally, permissive parents have few explicit expectations for their children and don’t do much to control their children’s lives.
 
Permissive parents tend to be less consistent with discipline, indulge their children more, and give fewer orders and chores to their children. This leaves children without a clear sense of what their parents expect of them (Shumow et al., 1998). Instead of following their parents’ guidance, the children of permissive parents are left to follow their own impulses and desires. As you might imagine, this approach has both pros and cons.​

Why would some parents end up parenting permissively? One potential reason is that some parents experience more attachment insecurity than others—they do not trust that they can make expectations of other people without alienating them or hurting the relationship (Branjerdporn et al., 2019). These parents seem to be more sensitive to the impacts of their parenting on their children, which can lead them to avoid making parenting decisions that will result in conflict between parent and child. In other words, these parents are listening to their anxiety about how their children will respond to being parented and letting those fears keep them from being directive (giving orders and setting expectations).

Permissive parents may also have a dislike of authority in general (Manuel, 2006). They do not want to limit their children’s autonomy, so they choose to give their children a great deal of freedom. This may align with their personal attitudes and morals, but it does not provide their children with some of the important structure and guidance they need as they develop.​

Here’s one compelling example of how permissive parenting impacts families: A very interesting line of research links permissive parenting to poorer outcomes for children with diabetes. In general, permissive parents seem to be less stringent and effective in getting their children to eat a healthy diet (Podlesak et al., 2017); they tend to let children eat what they want, experience more frustration at  mealtimes, and have trouble getting their children to stay at the table. Knowing all this, perhaps it will not be surprising to hear that permissive parents may have a harder time following treatment protocols for their children with diabetes (Shorer et al., 2011). What might be good in one context, such as when parenting a child whose diet naturally tends to be healthy, becomes quite risky when enforcement of a strict diet is needed for the child’s safety.
 
You can also probably come up with plenty of examples of permissive parenting yourself by thinking about times when you or someone you know has given a child tons of freedom to make choices (McCoby & Martin, 1983). My own parents heard me talk for years about how interested I was in going to summer camp (while also feeling a little apprehensive about the idea), but it wasn’t until I directly asked to go that they moved forward with the idea. Looking back, I perhaps missed out on some great summers by the lake because my parents weren’t decisive enough to push me out of my comfort zone in this way.​

A clear benefit of permissive-indulgent parenting is that parents are warm and supportive toward their children (Baumrind, 1991). When the children of permissive-indulgent parents seek care and love, they usually get it. However, beyond this benefit, there are mostly costs to parenting in either of the permissive styles. This may be especially true for children with mental health diagnoses such as attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder and autism spectrum disorder. Because of the additional challenges these children face, they need additional support from their parents in order to function, and when they do not get it because of permissive parenting decisions, their overall functioning can really suffer (Hutchison et al., 2016).
 
Another con of permissive parenting is that children parented in this way face fewer emotionally difficult experiences—at least with a parent alongside them. Think about it: If your parents rarely force you to make hard decisions (ideally while still helping you through them), you may not learn how to navigate those tough moments. In fact, the children of permissive parents may even develop less emotional intelligence as a result of not being exposed to these challenging situations (Wischerth et al., 2016).
 
If you would like to know more about some of the pros of this parenting style, I encourage you to watch this video:​

There is a ton of research that demonstrates a clear association between being permissively parented and having poorer developmental outcomes as a child. For example, the teenagers of permissive parents are more likely to use substances and get into trouble at school and with the police (Hinnant et al., 2016). This may happen because an important aspect of development is looking for and testing boundaries: Children want to learn what is good and not good, safe and not safe. Without parents putting guardrails on behaviors and establishing limits, children may overstep them. Children not given this structure may develop less empathy for their peers, which can make it easier to act harmfully toward others (Schaffer et al., 2009).

Children of permissive parents are also at increased risk for internalizing symptoms—the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors associated with anxiety and depression (Rankin Williams et al., 2009). This effect can be seen as early as preschool age, when lots of structure is absolutely essential for children (Rankin Williams et al., 2009). How might this effect take place? One study suggests that when parents are permissive, they do not intervene to address unhelpful attitudes about school and peers, which can lead the child to worry more (Chan et al., 2022).

Children raised by permissive parents also may have few experiences of having to put others’ needs before their own. This means they may be less considerate and more selfish than children who are raised differently, as they have had fewer chances to learn how to tolerate disappointment or interpersonal conflict (Santrook, 1998). Indeed, other research indicates that the children of permissive parents have stronger reactions to challenging situations than children parented in other ways (Miller et al., 2002). In addition to finding these situations more upsetting, they also may have more difficulty regulating their emotional responses to these situations (Jabeen et al., 2013).

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• Hutchison, L., Feder, M., Abar, B. & Winsler, A. (2016). Relations between parenting stress, parenting style, and child executive functioning for children with ADHD or autism. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 25, 3644–3656.
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• Schaffer, M., Clark, S., & Jeglic, E. L. (2009). The role of empathy and parenting style in the development of antisocial behaviors. Crime & Delinquency, 55(4), 586–599.
• Shumow, L., Vandell, D. L., & Posner, J. K. (1998). Harsh, firm, and permissive parenting in low-income families: Relations to children’s academic achievement and behavioral adjustment. Journal of Family Issues, 19(5), 483–507.
• Shorer, M., David, R., Schoenberg-Taz, M., Levavi-Lavi, I., Phillip, M., & Meyerovitch, J. (2011). Role of parenting style in achieving metabolic control in adolescents with type 1 diabetes. Diabetes Care, 34(8), 1735–1737.
• Wischerth, G. A., Mulvaney, M. K., Brackett, M. A., & Perkins, D. (2016). The adverse influence of permissive parenting on personal growth and the mediating role of emotional intelligence. The Journal of Genetic Psychology, 177(5), 185–189.