Socializing: Definition, Skills, & Examples

I have come to recognize time for socializing as a fundamental need of mine – one that I share with virtually everyone I know. This article explores our basic human drive to connect with others – to socialize. Let’s learn the definition of socializing, what socializing skills look like, and some tips for socializing more effectively.
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Socializing is how we establish, maintain, and deepen relationships – without interacting with other people just to connect with them, we would not get the social contact that is essential for our well-being (Maslow, 1943). Indeed, the amount and frequency of socializing we get seems to be directly related to our well-being (Lubben & Gironda, 2003).
 
One way that socializing is important throughout our lifespan is that it relates to how well we understand other people. As children, we learn how others think and move through the world by playing with them, and as adults, we maintain our understanding of others’ thinking by socializing (Henry et al., 2013; Rosi et al., 2016).
 
I think the distinction between socializing and social interaction while working should not be underestimated. When we interact with other people in a work context, we are living out our professional identity and responsibilities, which makes it difficult to truly appreciate the social connection. When we socialize, our full focus is on the experience of connecting with other people.

The other way that we know that socializing is important is from research that links a lack of social interaction to poorer health outcomes. (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2015). Simply put, people who have fewer opportunities to socialize do not get the benefits of socializing (see below), and their overall health suffers for it.

As noted above, social interaction is a universal human need (Maslow, 1943). On the third level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is the need for love and belonging, and as adults, we primarily meet this need by socializing, whether with peers, family members, or our partners. Socializing can also meet the next need up the hierarchy: the need for self-esteem. Socializing not only tells us that we are accepted by other people, that we belong in certain social groups or settings – it also tells us that we are liked.
 
The effects of socializing – a sense of belonging, experiencing affection, and knowing that one is held in positive regard by others – positively impacts our mental and physical well-being and helps us live longer (Shor et al., 2013). In fact, one of the most famous psychology studies tracked hundreds of men from their college years into their eighties, and it found that one of the most effective predictors of their longevity and overall well-being was the number of meaningful social connections they maintained over the years (Waldinger & Schulz, 2010).

Many people have social anxiety, which quite naturally makes it difficult to socialize (Schulz et al., 2014). There are many things people with social anxiety can do to help themselves socialize comfortably, and in some ways they can be broken down into two categories: 

• what you do to prepare for social situations, and 
• how you handle your thoughts and feelings in those social situations. 

Here are some tips for handling anxiety around socializing:
 

1. Work on your social anxiety when you’re not socializing (Schulz et al., 2014). One effective way to do this is to track your socially anxious thoughts and evaluate them. For example, do I know for a fact that that person’s smile meant they were smirking at something I said? Could they have been amused by something on the TV instead? Another effective tool is to write down all the evidence you have that you are an effective socializer. Think of all the times you have enjoyed with other people. Write down the positive things that these experiences show about you. As a final example, you can role-play the situations you might find most anxiety-making with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist (Gantman et al., 2012).
2. Practice with manageable social interactions (Khan et al., 2021). This is similar to the idea of exposures, a key therapeutic tool for dealing with anxiety. To build confidence in socializing, you can do it gradually and intentionally. Pick people who feel safe; set up interactions that have a time limit, so you know when things will end; have a plan for ways to get support while you are socializing, such as going to the bathroom; and come prepared with tools for regulating yourself. That might include taking deep breaths, saying you need a moment to send a text, or even asking somebody to call you while you are out socializing so you have the excuse for a break.

 
Here’s one more idea: you can ask people after the fact how they felt about the time they spent with you. I bet most of the feedback will be positive. Then, try your best to pair what they have told you with your memories of your time together (Clerkin & Teachman, 2010).

If you would like even more tips on dealing with anxiety while socializing, I recommend watching this video:

Want to learn more? Here are some related articles that might be helpful.

• Small Talk: Definition, Questions, & Examples
• Listening Skills: Definition, Examples, & Tips​
• ​Communication Skills: Definition, Examples, & Activities
• ​Body Language: Definition, Examples, & Signs
• ​Social Skills: Definition, Examples, & Training
• Subtle Relational Distortion (SRD): The Final Obstacle in Enlightenment
• Embodied Self-Permission on the Path of Awakening

To keep learning, here are some books to explore:​​

Perhaps this is my many years of graduate school speaking, but I think we underestimate the importance of socializing as a culture. Especially in the U.S., where our work ethic is still going strong, we can easily lose sight of the importance of slowing down to simply enjoy connection with other people.
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If you are one of those people who puts work first again and again, I invite you to consider shifting your priorities to create more time for socialization. Work happy hours and networking lunches may make us feel connected to others, but socializing offers us a chance to truly be ourselves around others, and to get our basic human needs for connection, belonging, and affection met. You deserve to prioritize those needs of yours – they are worth it.

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