What Does Resilience Mean? Definition, Qualities, & Examples

Resilience is defined as the personal qualities that enable one to thrive in the face of adversity (Connor& Davidson, 2003). In life, we all face stressful experiences—the death of a loved one, financial hardship, social rejection, and many others. But we have a surprising amount of variability in how we cope with these experiences. Some of us cope well and may even grow and improve as a result of stress. Others struggle and may even develop mental health issues in the face of stress. It is thought that resilience is the thing that separates these two paths.

Resilience is a many-faceted concept, but here are a few questions you can ask yourself to get a better sense of how resilient you are.

If you answer yes on these 3 next questions, this suggests you are more resilient:

If you answer yes to these 3 next questions, this suggests lower resilience:

• Do you take offense easily?
• Do you panic easily?
• Are you easily hurt?
• Do you feel crushed by setbacks?
• Do you get overwhelmed by events?

Take our well-being quiz to get your personalized report and learn even more about yourself.

Stress is really hard on both our physical and emotional wellness. The more effectively we can cope, the more quickly we can recover and return to normal functioning. Ongoing stress can have devastating effects on our bodies. Our personal resilience can buffer us from these effects, shutting down the stress cycle and HPA-axis, enabling us to better fight off illness and other negative outcomes (Gaffey, Bergeman, Clark, & Wirth, 2016). 

Given we all struggle with different types of stressors, resilience means different things to each of us. For example, to someone who is extroverted, resilience may mean spending extra time with friends to cope with stress. To an introvert, resilience may mean spending more time alone. Although each of us may cope with struggles by using different strategies, there are generally accepted qualities that tend to make up resilience. We likely already have some of these qualities (as a result of our genes and/or environment). But we can also develop these qualities with effort and practice.

​Below we talk about what resilience means and how to develop the qualities that make you more resilient.

So much pain is created from our tendency to fight the things we can not change. “No, I didn’t want that to happen! Arg!” But the more time we spend getting upset about the uncontrollable situations in our lives, the more time we spend stressed or angry instead of focusing on how we can make the future better. Perhaps this is why acceptance is linked to positive well-being (Ranzijn & Luszcz, 1999). 

To cultivate acceptance, many people recommend practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness can help you to quiet your mind and practice presence (and accepting) in the moment. Focus on letting your thoughts and emotions just exist without judgment. Doing this can help cultivate mindfulness and resilience.

Self-knowledge is essential to resilience. If we do not know ourselves well enough to cope with stressors in ways that are effective for us, then we are unlikely to be resilient. For example, maybe we cope by drinking alcohol or using drugs when we’re upset. But the next day, we just end up feeling worse. By developing self-knowledge, we can take actions that help us recover from difficulties more easily.  

To start, spend some time in self-reflection. Ask yourself,

• What strategies do you usually use to cope with stress?
• How effective are each of these strategies?
• How might you make it easier to use the strategies that help you?
• What else might you try in the future to cope more effectively?

By working to increase self-awareness, you can boost resilience.

One part of resilience is just taking care of yourself. When we’re sick, tired, and malnourished, we have a harder time responding to any type of stress, big or small. Our bodies just don’t have the resources. For example, research has found that sugar intake is related to depression (Knüppel et al., 2017). Indeed, if we focus on living and eating healthier, we are likely to boost our resilience. We can do this by eating more nutritious food, engaging in moderate exercise, and sleeping when we’re tired.

Burnout is a very real phenomenon that includes emotional exhaustion and cynicism (Maslach & Jackson, 1981). Research has shown that there are several causes of burnout including too much work, not enough control, not enough pay, social issues, and a mismatch in values (Maslach & Leiter, 2016). Any of these factors can contribute to burnout in the workplace. And burnout is kind of the ultimate non-resilience. You just have nothing left to give and your mind and body start shutting down.

​This is why it’s so important to prevent burnout before it gets to this point. If possible, try to switch jobs or roles that are not a good fit for you. Take breaks whenever possible. Take actions that help create work-life balance. And be sure to implement relaxation techniques into your lifestyle.

Another way to change how we experience the world is to direct our attention towards the positive things. When we do experience stress, we can focus on how awful it is, how we wish we weren’t here, and on how sorry we feel for ourselves. Or, we can intentionally shift our focus onto the positive. Admittedly, this is easier said than done. 

​One well-studied positive thinking strategy is 

positive reappraisal. When we use positive reappraisal, we try to think about the parts of the situation that are good (or not as bad as they could be). Positive reappraisal has been shown to contribute to resilience in the context of stress (Troy, Wilhelm, Shallcross, & Mauss, 2010). By finding ways to make our stressful experiences less stressful, we feel better and boost our resilience. 

Self love (or self-worth, self-confidence, self-esteem, etc…) may be a crucial part of what it means to be resilient. Positive self-views are closely linked to positive outcomes like happiness and well-being (Miller Smedema, Catalano, & Ebener, 2010). This may be because if we feel bad about ourselves, it colors every other aspect of our lives. We set ourselves up for disappointing situations and then we blame ourselves for them. By cultivating self-love, for example by practicing self-compassion, we can hopefully respond to stress in healthier ways.

No matter what we’re doing, we feel better when we’re doing it with others. That makes building social connections a crucial component of resilience. In fact, one of the most reliable ways to boost well-being is by developing high-quality social relationships and by feeling socially connected to the people in your life (Holt-Lunstad, Robles, & Sbarra, 2017). 

If we’re feeling worried or stressed, this is an especially good time to reach out to others. Having a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, or a brain to bounce ideas off of can offer tremendous value and truly help us thrive even in very difficult circumstances. That’s why it’s key to maintain high-quality friendships so that you can be there for each other when things are not going so great.

Sometimes when we’re going through something difficult, we get so immersed in it that we can’t see straight. Our emotions overwhelm and our perspectives narrow. That’s why resilience often means being able to take a step back to look at our situation from outside ourselves. More specifically, if we look at our situation as if we were “a fly on the wall” or “a passerby on the street”, we can get some much-needed objectivity that can help decrease our negative emotions. This strategy is known as emotional distancing, and it can help us feel better during difficult times (Ayduk, & Kross, 2010).

A similar strategy that can help resilience is to take a step away from your situation in time. For example, when we say “this too shall pass”, we are acknowledging that although we may feel bad now, we’re not likely to feel so bad at some point in the near or farther future. When we remind ourselves of this, it somehow makes it easier to cope with present difficult circumstances (Bruehlman-Senecal, & Ayduk, 2015).

Our reality is more than just the things that happen; it’s our interpretation of those experiences. That’s why structuring our lives in ways that help us interpret situations positively can be helpful for resilience. More specifically, if we set small, attainable goals and break these goals up into even smaller baby steps, each of our successes can be seen as a win. “Yes, I crossed one more thing off my ToDo list!“

On the flip side, if we set large, difficult, or unachievable goals, we’re likely to feel disappointed a lot. Even if we actually are taking small steps towards our goal, we may not notice them if we haven’t taken the time to recognize that yes, doing this one small thing actually does get us closer to our goal. So when aiming to optimize resilience, it’s key to set many small goals and celebrate successes. Once you reach those goals, set new ones. That way you’re always advancing instead of feeling stuck.

We all fail. Resilient people just get back up and keep going. They often have a growth mindset—or the belief that they can improve and continue self-growth. And they may even reflect on what they want their future to look like, for example by creating a vision board—a visual depiction of goals, values, and dreams.

By staying optimistic about our own abilities to achieve our goals, we are less deterred by events or people that try to get in our way. We believe we can meet any challenge and may even get a boost of confidence from successfully overcoming a challenge and proving that we should believe in ourselves (Connor& Davidson, 2003). Our beliefs can then help us manifest our dreams. It’s not magic; it’s just because we try hard and we don’t get in our own way.

The less rigid we are, the easier it is to be emotionally resilient. If we can go with the flow and be flexible, then the twists and turns aren’t so traumatic. To be more adaptable, we just need to let go a bit and give up some control. Ultimately, things will happen to us in our lives that we have no control over. Accepting it, dealing with it, bounding back, and moving forward is key to recovery from just about any challenge.

Life can be tough. We’ll go through hard times. Resilient people aren’t defeated by hard times. They fall off the horse and get back on. They don’t get the job they wanted and they keep on applying. They’re partner breaks up with them and continue to date to try to meet someone new. These things are not easy. It can be easier to hide or give up. 

To develop this characteristic, push yourself to go outside your comfort zone. Did that presentation you gave at work go poorly? Try again. Did you throw up last time you went to the gym? Give it another shot. Building resilience takes gumption and perseverance but it’s worth it and in the long run, it can vastly improve your life. 

Do you think of yourself as a strong person? We all are in some ways. If you know your strengths and weaknesses, then you can get a better idea of the ways you are strong. Try these activities to identify your positive qualities to help grow this part of resilience.

One of the most difficult parts of a stressful situation is the emotions that come up. We can get overwhelmed, flustered, and even do things we regret if we can’t regulate, or manage, our emotions effectively. That’s why building our emotion regulation skills is key to cultivating resilience. Rather than suppressing our emotions, we face them head-on, reinterpret situations to change our feelings, and then let them go.

Hopefully, you have a better sense of what resilience means. Here are some examples of how someone might be resilient in the face of stress.

1. Shanea loses her job. She is upset initially and she takes a day to experience her emotions and mourn the loss of her job. The next day, she starts reaching out to friends to see if they know of any jobs.
2. Eduardo just found out that his girlfriend cheated on him and he decides to end the relationship.  He is understandably sad, but he practices self love by telling himself that he deserves better and he makes meaning of the situation by telling himself that he needed to experience this in order to better know true love in the future.
3. Miley’s friends have been teasing her at school. She feels nervous, but she decides to prove to herself that she is strong by confronting them. They talk out the difficulties and are better than ever.

As you can see from these resilience examples, resilience isn’t about suppressing or avoiding negative emotions or experiences. It’s about handling them using all the mental, emotional, and behavioral skills available. 

Want to learn more about resilience? Check out these articles:

• Ayduk, Ö., and E. Kross. 2010. “From a Distance: Implications of Spontaneous Self-Distancing for Adaptive Self-Reflection.”  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 98 (5): 809–829. http://doi.org/10.1037/a0019205.
• ​Bruehlman-Senecal, E., and O. Ayduk. 2015. “This Too Shall Pass: Temporal Distance and the Regulation of Emotional Distress.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 108 (2): 356.
• Connor, K. M., & Davidson, J. R. (2003). Development of a new resilience scale: The Connor‐Davidson resilience scale (CD‐RISC). Depression and anxiety, 18(2), 76-82.
• Gaffey, A. E., Bergeman, C. S., Clark, L. A., & Wirth, M. M. (2016). Aging and the HPA axis: Stress and resilience in older adults. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 68, 928-945.
• Holt-Lunstad, J., Robles, T. F., & Sbarra, D. A. (2017). Advancing social connection as a public health priority in the United States. American Psychologist, 72(6), 517.
• ​Knüppel, A., et al., Sugar intake from sweet food and beverages, common mental disorder and depression: prospective findings from the Whitehall II study. Scientific reports, 2017. 7(1): p. 1-10.
• Maslach, C., & Jackson, S. E. (1981). The measurement of experienced burnout. Journal of organizational behavior, 2(2), 99-113.
• Maslach, C., & Leiter, M. P. (2016). Burnout. In Stress: Concepts, cognition, emotion, and behavior (pp. 351-357). Academic Press.
• Miller Smedema, S., Catalano, D., & Ebener, D. J. (2010). The relationship of coping, self-worth, and subjective well-being: A structural equation model. Rehabilitation Counseling Bulletin, 53(3), 131-142.
• Park, C. L. (2008). Testing the meaning making model of coping with loss. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 27(9), 970-994.​
• Ranzijn, R., & Luszcz, M. (1999). Acceptance: A key to wellbeing in older adults? Australian Psychologist, 34(2), 94-98.
• Troy, A. S., Wilhelm, F. H., Shallcross, A. J., & Mauss, I. B. (2010). Seeing the silver lining: cognitive reappraisal ability moderates the relationship between stress and depressive symptoms. Emotion, 10(6), 783.